Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can part2

[marina7]

Journaling,

Nothing much in this front,

Quiet, usually before the storm is quiet,
Now that's the scary thing not knowing.

A little sad, today. Why

Memories, how memories creep up on us
How memories can just remind me the amazing days,
W smiles and happiness.

A memory came up on FB. Oh FB I love you and hate you lol

This memory was Us, W and I in a school trip with s9 pre k
It was his pre k trip. W was tickling him, and giving s9 kisses
Also s9 was scared of touching the fish. I hear W say s9 mommy is right here
Mommy will hold your hand too. You see W grab s9 little hands and holds with
W while they touch the fish, W smiles over at me while am recording and says
I love you. Literally catch this on video.
Then W says to s9 you see it wasn't that bad.
S9 was s4 then. Wow how time flies and times change.

What happened, to W
I know I must not focus on the past but with holidays coming up this is hard
I see my family again away from W another year without W or being a once
Happy family.

Is also weird while I seen memories, S9 also woke up saying I had a dream
Of mom. Remember s9 is the family baby. S9 was very close to W he use to
Call her mommy. Now since all this happened W is just mom

S9 crawled in bed and explained his dream I listened and said are you ok.
S9 yeah. How you feeling s9 a little sad. I said s9 is ok to miss mommy you
Know that right. S9 started sobbing hard and I just held him for a good 15min
And humming a song and saying is going be ok s9. Is ok to cry and be sad.
S9 squeezes me and big tears coming down.

Times like this I just don't understand and will never. And also ask myself
Is W in MLC crisis or simply a WAW. But does it really Matter anymore.

I know this feeling will pass for me and the kids. I know is just the holidays that
Is hard now. This shall pass. And next year qe will be stronger.