I am not running away from here or this thread. I am truly looking within myself for answers of what I love and what I hate about myself. It is taking me a little longer than usual.
Please don't hate anything about yourself. Hate turned inwards is shame. And shame is a difficult thing to exorcise. Yail mentioned the show "Nanette" - not really the same situation as yours (an Australian talking about the impact of being gay on her psyche) but she discusses shame in a very intelligent and relatable way.
Know the things about you that you want to change for the better but don't ever hate yourself. When you are looking within yourself for answers, look with kindness. There is a good man in there and every now and then he peaks out.
Also, there is no timeline. You will get there. Be kind to yourself. Try and look at your W with (detached) kindness. There is a good woman under there too - just maybe, for now, not the woman for you.
