Neff - I know what you say is true. I am trying to live in the present and I am GAL'g and it is getting easier. Its the fact that it is getting easier is where the sadness is coming from. I will carry on as I have been. I do not know where my path will take me, but I am putting one step in front of the other and one day I know I will be OK.
Burned - I did not feel bad. In fact, a part from the fact that the general behavior was beneath me - I leaned into him and he put his arms around me from behind and I was able to um, feel him behind me - it did not feel like I had violated my vows. I did not feel married and I was not thinking about my H at all. I was thinking how nice it was to be with someone who so obviously also wanted to be with me. Even if it was purely a physical connection and it was the effect of having way too much to drink.
Re is this what will finally make him wonder if he is losing me. He does not know - we talk about the girls - never about us. I think he suspects I am changing. Maybe if they can 'smell' we are still attached, they can also 'smell' when we are moving on? If he does suspect, I do not know how he feels about it.
A colleague I use to work with but now works in a different department commented that he saw me walk past the other day and he said I was walking tall with my head high and a swing in my step and he thought to himself "she's going to be fine". If he can see it from afar, maybe my H can too.
