I went to an industry celebration thing last night - about 120 people from different companies all working on the project. I had a really good time -- too good maybe. I didn't do anything stupid but, for a few hours I was the girl I was before I met him. I danced, I flirted and I laughed. I flirted a little with the guy who has shown an interest I mentioned in a previous post. He is not "the one". But it was nice. The 'possibility' of something happening, even though I know deep down I would not have taken it further, because "something" is not actually possible for me - he is 28 years old for starters.
But it was nice. It was nice being "me before him" again, even if only for a short time.
And this morning, I sat in the garden again and I cried. I cried because I crossed a line. I cried because last night I did not feel married. I let someone put their arms around me who is not my H. I let someone hold my hand. I let someone dance with me in a way that I do not dance with other people. I wonder if this is how H feels after he has spent the night with someone else. If he ever sits in his flat and cries because the person he was with is not me.
