AS, it is a counselor from AA. The counselor diagnosed her, imposed the rules, and the goal is that her and I reunite as a family.
Ah, OK thanks! That makes sense then. I missed the part where she was in AA now. Well that's good, hopefully she will take it seriously.
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Another weird update: Recieved a text from her 6:30pm “hey, sorry to bother you but could you tell me what this light means” (and sent me a pic of the dash of her car with a warning light on). I didn’t respond, and at 8:30pm recieved this: “From what I can tell you only cared about getting back together with me and you don’t care if I’m ok like you said. I won’t bother you again, go and file for divorce and send it to my address”. Didn’t respond to that either, my plan is to ignore it but what should I do?
That's extremely passive/aggressive on her part. If she sticks with AA she's got a long, painful, difficult recovery ahead of her. I think during that time you should offer support but keep her at arm's length. No R discussions at all. Stuff like the above, I would tell her "your recovery is going to take quite a while, we should table any discussions about our relationship until you complete that".
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So she came by, told me about her retreat, apologized for many things in the marriage, and said that she also remembered things that I did wrong which still makes her mad to remember them. She went over what she wants me to change (things that I already know and have changed or am working on). And told me what she knows that she needs to change for this to work.
I wouldn't give too much weight to this, I'm sure she is just repeating exactly what she was told to do in AA. I've never had direct experience with the AA steps but have had friends that did and it all sounds exactly like what I've heard before.
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I didn’t say much during her talk and at the end i told her that I needed to think about it and I’d let her know.
I wouldn't open the door to friendship. My suggestion is to tell her you will support her during the process but you're not interested in being her friend, and after her recovery you two can decide where to go from there.
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I believe that her heart is in changing and I am changing as well. I truly believe it can work and we can be happy. As far as not knowing what do to at times, I know what my goal is, I just don’t want to keep making mistakes. I feel like this is a critical time to make or break this marriage.
She's an addict and she is very likely to relapse. That is a roller coaster ride you do not want to go on. Like I said above, keep her at arm's length. I disagree with your comment that now is a critical time to make or break the M, no that will come much later after her recovery.
