I just want to use the MC as a forum for communication.
But you want to communicate to to her HER problems and what you think she needs. It's for you to get what you need to get off your chest. That isn't going tohelp your situation.
Did, please listen to Ginger and the others!! You keep getting stuck in this trap where you think you can hand her a laundry list of her problems and somehow that will make things better. Let me ask you this, if she came to you and handed you a long list of her problems what would YOUR reaction be? I would lay a thousand dollars that you would get right to work defending every single item on her list. This is classic NGS behavior, you see no wrong in yourself and want to heap piles of blame on her. STOP IT.
Originally Posted by Did
I just want to use the MC as a forum for communication.
And what have we told you over and over again that "communication" with a WAS is? Her talking and you LISTENING and VALIDATING. So clearly this:
Originally Posted by Did
So what do I say in MC I want to say all the stuff I believe she needs to see an IC for that she holds in. I wrote about 5 min of notes in my phone. I kind of want to say them and walk out of the therapy session like you need to be on this couch.
Is NOT what you should be doing right now. I'm not sure how we can be more clear on this and you really don't seem to be getting it. You keep repeating the same damaging patterns. That's going to kill your chances of recon and prevent Did from growing.
I'm sorry to be so blunt but sometimes that's what it takes to get through, and you my friend do seem to be a little tough to get through to
Quote
Her mom hit her as a kid she was taught be seen but not heard. Her mom left her dad in the middle of the night. She has post partum. She got an abortion. She got in a drunk driving accident. She has been in unhealthy relationships. She struggles with talking about this stuff at all.
We all have checkered pasts and skeletons in our closets. Do you want to rattle the bones, or do you want to show her loving support? Because one will make you ugly and the other will make you attractive.
Quote
I guess this is fixer white knight syndrome.
Yup. You can't fix her. That's her journey to make.
