Sandi's Reflections - Part 2

[lost8]

Sandi your responses are invaluable coming from the perspective of a former WW and we all appreciate the time that you have devoted to helping so many of us. I hope it is ok to ask you specifically for advice on your thread.

My WW of 6 months seems to be interested in spending more time with me and is slowly offering up more and more in brief discussions. Now granted I will admit she has been drinking a fair amount and I know this is still her self medicating through her IC work addressing many abusive relationships since back to her early teens and maybe even before. Her latest abusive relationship was a boss of 7 years that she recently resigned from and is now working from home. My W had often gone out after work to HH or other social functions at her previous job but now working from home is not interested in that much outside the house unless she is with me.

In the past few weeks I have heard the "I'm sorrys", her IC work has relieved her of the resentment that she has had for me and my family and she is expressing that, many ILYs from her, doesn't want to lose me, wants me to sleep in MBR, physical intimacy, etc. Last night she talked about R and I expressed not being able to feel the pain that she has been in from her past life but only the pain that I have felt the last 6 months or so and was very upset and acknowledge what she had done.

Her biggest concern is not wanting me to take her independence and being able to go where she wants when she wants but I know......big red flags. I don't ask but she tells me and will still stay out overnight because of the drinking. She has expressed that we do have to discuss the A at some point but we have not addressed details yet but that may be coming soon. I haven't asked if it is still ongoing or at least contact with OM but she is home all the time and when I am there she is not on her phone like she used to be and would do it right in my face.

I will be honest I am not ready to R until she is 100% onboard and although she does not want to spend time out like she used to, she is saying that her "friends" are upset because she doesn't hang out anymore. The "friends" could be OM pressuring and she could be fighting it like you experienced. At this point I feel emotionally detached from her and only in the last few weeks have responded to her wants because of physical attraction. She has said that she can't wait for me to get home from work, wants to spend evenings with me, wants to come places with me even if I am just running out.

I guess my question is what do I do from here, the steps aren't laid out as clearly when the sitch gets to this point? I see her trying to get back to me but I have not opened up or let her back in. The A needs to be addressed and where she stands with OM but how does that happen? She is progressing to opening up and I don't even want to ask...honestly don't care. I am truly at the point where if we split, I'm good and have told her it would be a long road to a new MR because of the damage that has been done and the intense therapy program she is in.