13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Thank you all so much! I am really thankful for your advice on how I should behave, and what my focus should be.

LH, I will try and really adapt to being around her only when it is kids related such as dinner time. Then try and do things without her when the kids are home. I will retreat so to speak, and give her the time and space that she so desperately craves.


I will not be attending the New Years Eve party nor the christmas party <-- I just need Steve to back this up, with the information im providing now.

She has basically not done very much to keep this a secret. At least was far as I know of. She has told her close friends, her colleagues at work nows it, her family is informed, and the people we are supposed to celebrate new years eve with, are also informed that we have gone our separate ways (of course they only know she is dating another man, however everything has happened in agreement between her and I according to the story she has put out).

So basically keeping it secret in order to smoothen R in the future: I think she is basically trying to speed things along with OM so fast, and informing her friends and family is part of that according to her own beliefs. I am not really making a difference in that "game" anymore, since she has been open about how lucky he and him are. Well that was before she was demoted to bootycall. long story short - the cat is out of the bag mostly anywhere.

So gameplan (If i understand correctly):

1. Don't do anything social out of the house with her anymore (she doesn't get that luxury / she has given up that opportunity).

2. Only answer polite and in short sentences when she initiates conversation about the kids / ignore conversation related to anything else (except financial / custody stuff). <--- I don't know, LH you say NOT to talk at all, and Steve says to (if I understand right), listen to all smalltalk and validate?? So what exactly do I do

3. Stay out of her way. If she is in the house, kids are sleeping and im in the house, then I go somewhere for my self.

4. I will enforce my boundary about OM talk by simply leaving the room if she begins.

5. I will let her leave (house is for sale, financials are basically taken care of) - I have said my peace - and I am not gonna stand in her way.

6. GAL a lot, 180 on my known problems and heal through detachment


Does that sound about right?

My birthday is coming up next week: I am saying today, that I would appreciate it, if she doesn't buy a present for me, and I would really appreciate it, if she would refrain from buying a present for Christmas as well, as I don't want anything from her. Is that a bad idea? I am just going to say, that I will appreciate some drawings from the children, and thats it. Furthermore, I would like it, if she could go and be somewhere else on my birthday, as I am taking the day off, and just really want a fun and happy day with the kids, and she will ruin it. <--- Advice please