13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[LH19]

I will do more talking... I guess you mean, I need to show her, that I am having my own life from here on out, and then to actually be true to myself and live that life, day by day - and in time it will get easier.

Yes you need to SHOW her and believe me it will get easier in time.

I will make my self inaccessible in a way I haven't up till this point. I guess, she hasn't really felt like I am not a part of her life yet, because, well I have been there, waiting for scraps... pathetic as it is. Basically, I am going to (and I mean really try to at first), but to ignore whatever she does with OM, but I will enforce the boundary I set down that says, I won't have anything to do with it (don't speak of him and you in front of me).

It is great that you recognize this but as Master Yoda says "do or do not, there is no try" What are the consequences of crossing your boundaries.

She wants to small talk, she wants me to be at home on the 23rd of December, when she is celebrating Christmas with her family and the kids, so that D4 don't ask why I am not there (it was not for her sake, that she wanted me there, she said that explicitly) <-- I guess its a given that I don't attend? I feel like its disrespect and cake eating, but I am having SUCH a hard time juggling it, when it comes to time not spend with my children.

No more small talk unless about the kids. Absolutely it is a given you do not attend! I am sure your STBX can come up with a reasonable answer to your daughter why you are not there. You are Bull$hitting yourself. Your children are young you will have plenty of time to spend with them in the future.

She also wants to celebrate New Years eve with 3 couples we usually celebrate with and their kids. If I don't attend, I won't be celebrating New Years eve with my kids, however, if I do, I enable her disrespect right? I know these questions seems like no brainers, but I am really struggling, so I am asking anyways.

No fuching way. Again plenty of New Year celebrations in the future.

I feel like, when my kids are home, we can small talk (she can talk and I can answer her questions), but then, I really make myself scarce (go to MBR and relax at night), or GAL when I have the opportunity, is this what I am supposed to do? I am working on a lot of 180s that I reflected on, and decided that there were things I could really change for the better.

Other then the dinner table you should never be around her. Play with the kids, go for a walk, GAL when she's home, read in your room. There is absolutely no need for small talk unless it's about the kids.

Basically to cook it up - I am having a tough time navigating on how the be around a person who treats me like this, how much to interact - if it was just me and her, I would have left in a heartbeat, but I have to REALLY small children, who needs to see mom and dad interacting positive. At least that is what I feel like we should?

Let me ask you a question. What if your best friend treated you the way she is treating you? Would he still be your friend? Would you still want to have small talk with him? I wish you could throw out what you think your suppose to do and what's gonna push her further away and just act how you really want to act.