13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Thank you very much for your good advice.

I am well aware of the fact that what I say, is not what I feel... thats what I meant by fake it till you make it.. I guess I am hoping shat she won't see through it - but I know you are right, when you say she does.

I will do more talking... I guess you mean, I need to show her, that I am having my own life from here on out, and then to actually be true to myself and live that life, day by day - and in time it will get easier. I will make my self unaccessible in a way I haven't up till this point. I guess, she hasn't really felt like I am not a part of her life yet, because, well I have been there, waiting for scraps... pathetic as it is. Basically, I am going to (and I mean really try to at first), but to ignore whatever she does with OM, but I will enforce the boundary I set down that says, I won't have anything to do with it (don't speak of him and you in front of me). Other than that, I will ignore her when she goes out on the weekends to sleep at his place, and just try and create fun things for me and the kids. Tomorrow she will be leaving to go and sleep at his place, however I already made a playdate for my kids for saturday, so I have that to look forward to, which is quite nice actually.

She wants to smalltalk, she wants me to be at home on the 23rd of december, when she is celebrating christmas with her family and the kids, so that D4 don't ask why I am not there (it was not for her sake, that she wanted me there, she said that explicitly) <-- I guess its a given that I don't attend? I feel like its disrespect and cake eating, but I am having SUCH a hard time juggling it, when it comes to time not spend with my children.

She also wants to celebrate New Years eve with 3 couples we usually celebrate with and their kids. If I don't attend, I won't be celebrating New Years eve with my kids, however, if I do, I enable her disrespect right? I know these questions seems like no brainers, but I am really struggeling, so I am asking anyways.

I feel like, when my kids are home, we can smalltalk (she can talk and I can answer her questions), but then, I really make myself scarce (go to MBR and relax at night), or GAL when I have the opportunity, is this what I am supposed to do? I am working on a lot of 180s that I reflected on, and decided that there were things I could really change for the better.

Basically to cook it up - I am having a tough time navigating on how the be around a person who treats me like this, how much to interact - if it was just me and her, I would have left in a heartbeat, but I have to REALLY small children, who needs to see mom and dad interacting positive. At least that is what I feel like we should?