Introduction

[TJT]

We sit around and think and talk and ruminate until the cows come home. Does it help us? It soothes our fears, in the moment. But do we benefit, in the long run, from short-term avoidance of pain? Maybe thinking and talking and ruminating is a way to avoid the harder stuff.

First, I hate you.

Second, just kidding... good points.... I really don't think that I talk and ruminate out of avoidance, but moreso as a coping mechanism when I can't understand stuff. Actually, I think I think, and because I think too much, I start funneling it all into writing and talking because I need to get it OUT to make it stop in my head. Not that it ever really stops, but it does help. And I am big on reflection because it helps me learn too. I have always been a journaler and "discusser" and I love teaching stuff back to people because it helps me see things through different lenses.

How-e-verrr, because I'm also a very practical person...when stuff doesn't make sense, especially stuff out of this world like this, which is the most preposterous and history-making event in my life that I thought I'd only see in a movie, I definitely keep going deeper and deeper and spiraling because damnit if there's not an explanation somewhere and I am GOING to find it.

So, the essence of what you're saying is still true. It doesn't actually accomplish much, especially with something like this, and I know that to my core. It can definitely become an obsession/compulsion that I try to recognize when it's worse at some times than others.

Let's take a different approach today. It's time for action. Nothing crazy. But this is a DB forum so let's refocus. We're both afraid of the machinations of our spouses as they secretly prepare to crush our hearts yet again. What's the antidote?

GAL! So GAL, gal. Do it. And then report back to us. What did you do? How did you feel? Were you able to stop thinking about H, even if it was just for 10 minutes?

I admit for my last few threads I went on a little bit of just like, venting I guess. And I think it's helpful to revisit some examples and context when I'm reminded of certain things too. But I digress - I do have plans for friends to be over (like 4 of them) to grill out this weekend and while I feel pretty lame because I don't really know how to "entertain" people when it's literally just me, I know it will be good to chill out and chat and stuff. Although I also feel guilty that I've been telling them I'd send an evite to get it on their calendars and have failed for like a month, and now the weekend is pretty much here! But then I said oh well, they know the plan and look at everything I've been dealing with - no hard feelings if I couldn't get a damn invite out.

I also wanted to go out to dinner one night this week with a neighbor lady but back to the introvert thing, she's starting to exhaust me because she has a lot of her own relationship drama but compared to what we're dealing with it's like...really? And I end up being her relationship coach most of the time and the other day I found myself just being really annoyed by it and feeling more like I'm getting drained rather than fulfilled. But I'm going to keep it going and just see if we can connect on some other topics maybe.

Aside from that it's just not "me" to go out that much. This is why I am PETRIFIED of "dating". Just thinking about it is exhausting. I want "my person" that understands and likes just hanging out with me even if it's doing nothing, an area where I thought me and my H were matched up really well. I also don't have a lot of close friends and only got together with friends without my H very rarely - and I was okay with that, it wasn't anything he pressured me not to do or anything. AND he was the same way, another thing I loved because it made me feel like we never really got sick of each other or that I had to worry about what he's really doing with "just the guys". I just really crave having "couple friends" and being a family unit. The single ecosystem is not a place that will feed my energy well..

I do make sure to have my pedicure days every once in a while and make sure I'm giving the dog a decent amount of outside time, so that will be my other commitment I guess. In fact maybe tomorrow I will try to take her for a walk right away in the morning rather than waiting until after work. I've tried to make sure I get "fetch" time in the yard with her but it's been a while since I took her on a full walk. I'm questioning if that even counts as GALing... please tell me it does.