That was a lot. I read every thread and post. You have some great posters and advice. It was hard to read tho, especially over a couple of days span, because the roller-coaster kept jerking back and forth, upwards, and sideways. Ouch. At one point I started grinding my teeth, I gasped, and I might have even yelled out at you. "No! What are you doing, man!?!" You do remind me of my H tho. You seem very kind, humble and generous. You guys could be co-chairs of the Mr Nice Guy club. Fortunately for me, he has worked his way out of being a total doormat, and so I have learned to respect him ... This is hard work, Ovr. It takes a long time of self reflection and committing to changes. It is much harder to do when you allow someone to jerk you around and abuse you. I think it may be impossible.
I have a hundred observations and opinions about your W. She undoubtedly has a lot of work to do on herself too, growing up to do (she has the mentality of a teenager), and she is an abusive person. I hope for her own sake at some point in her life she is willing to look at herself and start tackling some deeply flawed issues. I sort of pity her, because people like that ultimately miss out on genuine and mature love. She is not capable of that right now. I just don't think it will help you or your sitch, for me to dissect her behaviors, or focus on her, so I will hold off on that further. Plus, I am far more interested in you and your goals.
I have some questions for you. I hope you will give them some thought and answer them thoroughly for us. I think it could help all of us understand you and advise you better. Mostly, I think it will benefit you to think hard about them and address them. I am trying to narrow it down, but I do have a lot of questions!
1. How do you envision a healthy marriage and relationship in your life? What does that look like to you? 2. What do you think you have to give to a married partner and what do you think you deserve from a partner? 3. How do you feel about the way your W treats you? How do you think you deserve to be treated by her? 4. How do you think you have taught your W to treat you? How do you think you can change that now? 5. Do you think you are worthy of love and respect? (please don't answer this here, just think about it)
I look forward to reading, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
