I only recently learned about CL and i wish I discovered her earlier.
A part of me really wanted it to just be drugs and alcohol that caused my ex to leave us. That I was about to discover financial craziness, so he bailed first. I could accept that from him more then infidelity. If it had been infidelity i would have sought intense crazy revenge. I know myself. He knows me. So yeah, it would be smart of him to keep that a secret.
My ex had erectile dysfunction. It was horrible. He had it maybe 3 years into our relationship when things were good as well. I remember thinking it was cigarettes or due to weight gain or work stress. But sex was never that enjoyable for me because it was all about making sure he was able to maintain an erection. And when he did get one he was like so friggen proud. I could never come out and say this because then it would have made it worse and he would have been more stressed about it. Sometimes it would be impossible for him to orgasm. i guess i figured if he had ed and sexual problems with me, less of a chance of him even being capable of an affair. The more i learned about opiates and alcoholism the nore i realized the 2 go hand in hand.
I trusted my ex completely. So infidelity is a huge huge blow and shock. Even to this day, when i think of it i become internally enraged.
But his actions were so similar to everything described in CL and here on these forums. I am completely in the dark about anything regarding women. Even the woman he is with now, she didnt see my son on my sons birthday and when they went to a wedding together, he went with this woman in a separate car from my son.
I know it no longer matters. I have my future to live. I am having a hard time figuring out how to have the future i want though. More then anything, i wanted another child. I feel robbed of that based on the timing with my ex. I think if i had another baby and family, i would still be mad, but not quite so robbed. If that makes any sense.
