Stereotypical LBS

[Did]

I read all your posts, and Steve as usual is on point. Tough love but its true we cant believe what they say. Theyre confused themselves so what does it matter what they say. Validate and dont think of it after the fact... easier said than done. My sitch is probably a year ahead of yours.

As to expectations man they suck. Its almost impossible not to have any but thats the goal. Expect her to be back and forth and all over the place. She doesnt know what shes doing and is probably making a lot of mistakes. She will project on you and be unable to deal with life day to day and the hard emotions... in my sitch I thought we were over 2 or 3x then she came back, I thought we were going to be together after we slept together and spent a couple weekends together then she can't handle it. I saw on one of your posts AnotherStander commented about a friend whos wife left and he was like ok theres the door and went dark. That is probably some of the best advice Ive seen. I continue to make mistakes. But thats what Im shooting for currently. I have MC Monday and will outline why she needs IC and that she needs to change her communication and not hold all her trauma in to get healthy because we havent had real progress because she is all over the place... if she wants to be with me and then Im done.

I hope you can learn from us and dont repeat the same ones.

My advice is give all your love to yourself and your kids. GAL spend $ on experiences like you did with fishing, and do stuff with the kids that everyone enjoys. Always have something to look forward to - a trip planned, dinner with a friend etc. My schedule is tough so I have to do GAL at lunch time a lot. But Ive been meeting friends for lunch weekly, working out, traveling when I can.

If W misses out be like umm yea you're going out every night doing who knows what don't accuse but it is her choice to not be in the family. I would not include her in the holidays unless she shows interest in you and working on the marriage. If she gets upset set the boundary Im sorry you have chosen to live at ILS you can set up your holiday there.
Show her what she is missing. It seems you do a lot in regard to taking care of the house, cooking etc. Plus work, correct? I assume you make at least as much $ or more than her. She should have to do half the work to get the benefits of everything you put in.

My W and I have been in therapy so I thought we were piecing and I made a bunch of mistakes, backslid and now may be done again. Do not do that. I should probably take my own advice . Best of luck