[Wanted1]

Wanted,
Just wanted to offer some reassurance to you regarding the move out. I had a fortunate opportunity with th ein laws going on a 40 day cruise. I didn't force but firmly suggested W go stay there while they were away. There were some bumps getting a child minding schedule set up but it settled down and while not ideal for the kids right now it is working. I can tell you that I am now dreading the day the in laws return and W has to come back home. It is all what you make it but life by yourself is not bad, actually I would say it is better. It gives you the freedom to do as you please, it gives you freedom from all the chaos of the situation. It allows you time to really process everything and really focus on yourself and not the sitch. It has really helped me make leaps and bounds when it comes to letting go and detachment. I'm just speculating but I think it benefits the WAS as well. It allows them some time to get a taste of what life without you is actually like, it likely also gives them some time to grasp the reality of what they are doing, just guesses though.

Catching up on your sitch I really think that her moving out would probably be the best thing for you. I know it's tough to see it but for your sanity and mental well being I really believe it would be a better option at this point.

Thanks for the reassurances, RH. I really do appreciate them. I think everything you said is completely accurate. We weren't getting anywhere with the IHS. Seeing me everyday I'm sure was a constant reminder of whatever she resented me for. And then I didn't do myself any favors my continuing to talk to her about the M. I really screwed up big time in that department.

If you've read my sitch from the beginning, you will have probably picked up on the fact that my W has a lot of her own personal stuff to work through, heal from and some self-discovery that needs to take place. While she claims she's making leaps and bounds in that department, I don't think that can be the case in such a short time. And her actions of communicating with OM for about 5 weeks after the BD and then communicating with the other OM from earlier this year yesterday tells me she isn't as far along in the process she needs to go through as she probably realizes.

I have no doubts that the physical S will definitely help me detach. She's is a gorgeous woman, so seeing her every day hurts knowing I can't be with her. It might be the actual time and space she has said she needs that she hasn't really been afforded due to living together and continuing to care for our 3 kids. And like I said before, my continuing to go to her with my thoughts and feelings up until about 2-3 weeks ago didn't help one bit either.

Maybe this will make her miss me and the life she had with all of us together and maybe not. That's something I can't control and will not let myself worry about. I'm going to focus on moving forward by detaching. Like I told Steve, if the opportunity for R presents itself, I would rather be pleasantly surprised by it than be counting on it or expecting it. If it's meant to be, that will happen. If not, I'm going to start the process of becoming a better version of myself for my next R.