Just wanted to share some of my thoughts on "expectations" based on some of the things I have read on here the last couple of days. I have a ways to go myself but I think this is one area where I am doing pretty well with letting go.
We have all seen the veterans mentioning time and time again to have no expectations (thanks guys for your patience with us newcomers). When letting go of expectations that really means all expectations, the positive and the negative. When a little glimmer of hope comes our way from our spouse we develop thoughts and expectations about what that must mean. These are the common things we read on here in a lot of posts. It's the negative ones that I think often are overlooked, expectations when nothing has happened like "Because H/W has acted like Y lately I expect I will be D in the near future and its done". Or the expectations that the story is over because H or W is moving out after a lengthy IHS.
I think the key to all of this is to really master having zero expectations either way. To 100% commit to the fact that we are on this journey and to simply live our lives one day at a time in a manner that leaves us feeling good at the end of the day. None of us have the slightest clue what tomorrow is going to look like, good or bad, so any kind of expectations good or bad serve no purpose.
Well stated.
A lot of what we spend time on here is both talking poster's down from the heights. "She said she'd go to MC, we are Ring!" And talking them off the ledge. "Well, she said she not open to Ring at all. So I guess it is over."
While expectations are part of the problem, the biggest problem is EVER taking the WAS at their word. We need to have a sticky thread with the title: "Believe nothing they say, and only half of what they do."
I wrote a little about this in my own thread last week. Where I point how the WAS believes nothing the LBS says ("I promise to change!"). Yet the LBS hangs on every word that crosses the WAS's lips. I honestly believe that if more posters could stop putting any stock into anything the WAS says the better off they'd be.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
