Thanks focus. It is true that i need to be better trained in learning to refocus those ruminating and obsessive thoughts.
There is always a trigger. There is also some safety in being reminded of what a horrible person he was, when i go soft. Or blame myself.
I found out about a woman running a daycare in my neighborhood who has someone living in her house with a very old criminal record (involving minors) and a psych history. I was reminded of how my ex was trying to push me to go back to work full time, even though it made no sense from a financial standpoint. And it certainly was not in my sons best interest. Son was 3 orn4 at the time. My ex actually told me i would be more attractive to him if i was more ambitious. His goal was to get me working full time so he would pay the least amount in child support.
This one act of selfishness regarding my son makes me hate my ex so much. He is a bad person because of that. I will never forgive that.
It also makes me realize what a great mom i am because i never ever considered doing something i thought was not in my sons best interest to keep my husband.
But the point of this story is that i am having trouble letting go of these triggers. Yes they are lessons and warnings that i should never ever trust my ex. But it hits me emotionally
