Feeling lost, scared and wanting to fix this. Pt 3

[Turbine]

I really have to stop checking stuff in the middle of the night. Wake up for a head call (bathroom for you non Navy folk) and quick hop online.

Adam04, The driveway was brought up because Sunday night to Monday morning we got a snow storm come though. I live near a major city that has a gun control fetish. That can be discussed another time... or not at all... I digress. So in the morning I had gotten up and started clearing the driveway. Had a late start at work because of the storm. When I got home I hoped that my BiL had cleared some more of the end of the driveway. The city had kindly plowed but if you deal with snow you understand the plows pile stuff up as much as move it. He hadn't nor had W. (Hey she wants to be independent so shoveling should be fair game) In her defense she had cleaned off my car while I was shoveling. Not equal division of labor but that would be counting and keeping score. That she did that was nice of her. Minor plus that means she can be nice. To me. Long term? Not an indicator at all of anything.

DejaVu6, The quote is part of the email my L sent her L and copied me on. There went some $$$ I would rather have put toward other expenses or toward my W. I know, right now anything like that would be wasted. doesn't mean I can't have thoughts like that about how the $$$ is spent. Early in meeting with my L, I had expressed the desire to not get a D, work it out, etc... I have not told her ( my L) about this or my efforts to GAL. Although she has said in her experience she has seen things get dropped at any point including up to the last minute. She also recommended to stop the chase, give her room, etc. Has she read or heard of MWD and DBing? I don't know. Could be experience. At this point I hope W and I can reconcile. I, in no way shape or form want to return to MR 1.0, Turbine 1.0 or W ver ??? What I would like, as would almost everyone here is that new R 2.0 or MR 2.0. Preferably with Mrs. Turbine (the current physical one) and we realize and really put the effort into it. Both of us, without keeping score. Without getting off into the weeds and getting complacent. Is this better?

So I had a okay text exchange with my sister. There are far more times those exchanges are frustrating. This wasn't one of them. She asked me if I had ever watched the reality show "Below Decks". In case you don't know it is on a charter yacht and covers the weekly excursions the crew has to deal with and the interactions between the guests and mostly the crew. Not sure what that says about the charter yacht business when you have to supplement income by going reality TV. Anyway the one crew and yacht went to Tahiti. Sister commented about how beautiful it was there and wondered if anyone realized it. Of course when the door is open or you get a softball pitch... so I replied Tahitians. Okay, probably funnier to read.

Okay... now almost 0400. Alarm set for 0500. Can I get back to sleep for a hour? Is it worth it? IDK. Got church tonight and I really don't want to risk falling asleep there. I get there early enough that I sit in the front row. Usually first one into the pew. Seating is separated by sex, fill in front to rear from the center out. Orderly service and all that. worked when we got married because otherwise half of the church would have been rather empty. My wife came here and didn't have any family here. so her side would have been anyone from church or friends (same thing at first).

So yes I will keep working on me. If the email sent by the L gets positive results great. If the email from the L gets negative results not great. Won't change how I feel, my goals or what I am doing. Which is making me better. Better shape, better mindset. I want my wife. Not I need my wife.