I have a lot of mixed, powerful feelings right now. Luckily I have a great support group (you all included). I believe that forgiveness is a choice. I could hold onto the anger and pain of everything she is doing, or I could let it go and focus on me. I'm not perfect at it and I know I will fail at this forgiveness, but I will strive to never show her that and to do my best for me and my boys. I can't be my best if I'm holding onto resentment. Specifically, I forgave her for asking for wanting the divorce and wanting to move on - I believe those are natural feelings for someone in her position. I still hold onto the objection to spending time with her EA and especially taking S3 over there, but like you said, I can't stop her so I do my best not to dwell on it.

We just had a conversation about the living arrangements. I won't get into the logistics of it, but we're trying to work it out where I keep the house (we decided this the other night). She had planned on staying here, but I made it very clear that if we weren't selling the house, that I was going to be the one staying here. She absolutely loves this house, but she also couldn't afford to keep it with all of her debt. I think she's finally understanding the gravity of how this will affect her life going forward. I think what happened next was the first time the power dynamic switched. She told me she was heading out next week and possibly this Saturday - I feel like she was baiting me into a fight, but I told her that the time away would be good for her and for me. I think I'm finally starting to get this detachment thing because I was genuinely excited to spend time with the boys while she was out of the house. She didn't handle my response well, got visibly upset. I told her that she should go take care of her second business (the online community thing).

I don't think that her headspace is typical for this forum. WAW and WW descriptions capture part of what is going on, but on the individual level, she is really handling this calmly (ish) with a great deal of planning and logic behind her decisions (most are actually fair), even if they get overridden by emotions sometimes. I'm certain that the divorce papers will be filed shortly, once we agree on the financials, and that she will follow through to divorce, knowing the person that she is. She seemed so confident in the beginning, but I don't see the same confidence anymore. Tonight, I'm still hopeful for the MR, but I'm also okay if she follows through. We'll see how I feel tomorrow.