Finding the Balance and then Tipping the Scale

[Adam04]

I don't want to give her an ultimatum, I don't want to control. I think there's a better way to express it, and I have to think of the best way to convey the message. I've been wondering what that looks like. We don't talk about MR or anything. Just feels like in limbo, two room mates sharing time with the kids.

I have been doing everything on page 127 under LRT. Contact is minimal and I've stopped going out with her to eat out or to her family's house to eat.

is it not a good idea to initiate the dialogue at this point in time? What am I needing to wait on?

Originally Posted by Sandi2

So, you already know what she's gong to say, and you are going to wait for seven months to tell her no? Help me understand this. I know you love her, but you have to respect yourself more than this.

It may be early and maybe I am impatient or maybe I am confused at the direction of this. Help me put all the pieces together, I thought IHS rarely works and LBS dealing with WW need to do more than being nice, giving space and showing we've changed, things that can be shown during R, but for right now we need to be tough. Isn't making the stand what we want to do for several reasons? Isn't separation with her moving out the end goal since it has higher chance for R?


I know I could word it better than making it sound like an ultimatum but what am I missing, the true purpose of it?? Because right now it only comes across as an ultimatum?

I want to do what is necessary. Why is this hard to grasp for me, it's sounding confusing now. I'll order that book.

I think that because I've been a nice guy for so long that my self-respect gauge has been compromised and I feel like I need to work on that, fix it, get it back, earn it, and show her I won't put up with her disrespect to me. The thing is I will allow for change, I am hoping for change but if it doesn't happen, I'm not expecting it but it would be nice, I have to find out how much I can deal with before throwing in the towel. How can I be the rock and have my b@lls and self-respect? Shouldn't I not be fearful of losing her or D? She's with someone else alrdy, it is a loss. Ok stopping here, thinking too much into it.

I can do the last last resort and cut her off any interaction but isn't that going dark and better if alrdy separated?
I feel like if I push this, she will not honor the boundary, why would she? If she doesn't honor it, then we physically separate and work on it from there. I am ready but I am listening as well.