[burned]

Just to back up what AS said as if it wasn't clear enough. Before I discovered DB, I did all of the things you're thinking about doing. Not once did I throw anything in her direction. I did accidentally knock something over that almost hit her.

Net result: I am on my way to D, reconciliation feels like it's entirely out of the question for all eternity, and I will forever live with the regret that I caused such unforgivable harm to a person I claimed to love. Believe me, I expressed remorse REPEATEDLY for my actions that night. 4-1/2 months later, on BD2 when she told me during MC that she was "done," I was curled in the fetal position on the couch and MC asked W, "What are you thinking/feeling right now as you look at him?" W's response: "I'm afraid he's going to hit me." And on that note, she had spent most of the previous month saying things like, "I don't feel safe around you, I can't relax in your presence."

After you've said it or done it, you can never take it back.