So, just leave the text message hanging then? And if she comes to talk to me about it tonight, listen, validate and then state that I changed my mind?
I'm going to disagree with the others here, I do not think you should tell her you changed your mind. One of the reasons a lot of us end up here is our wives think we are controlling. We make everything in the M about ourselves and do not consider their needs. So think about this, you've asked her numerous times to go to Retrou and she's refused. Then you ask her again and she accepts. But then you tell her you changed your mind. What kind of message does that send to her? That no matter what her choice is you disagree with it. Now I'm not talking about your INTENT here, I'm talking about her PERCEPTION. And as we know, with a WAS perception is everything. The goal of DB'ing is to change her perception of you. If she thought you were controlling and manipulative and selfish then you have to be the opposite of those things. You have to let HER make the choices that guide her destiny and that of your M. So if she approaches you about Retrou then listen and validate. If she wants to go then go. If she doesn't then don't. Regardless, tell her you respect her decision and will support her in it.
I went to Retrou when my ex was already out the door. It was her idea, but unfortunately it was too soon after BD to make a difference. Despite that, it was an amazing, touching experience that I cherish, and I learned a ton about communication. A lot of the thoughts I share here on these forums on validation and communication come from my time in Retrou. So even if it doesn't save your M, you should by all means go if the opportunity presents itself.
