[AnotherStander]

Going back to your post a couple of pages back, prepare for some 2x4's:

Meeting with Bishop didn't really accomplish much.

Predictable. It's too soon for this. Right now she's 100% done. Later, who knows. But now is not the time for this.

Something she said in the meeting though has really bothered me. She made mention of "fearing" what I would do to her, the kids and the house and used a conversation we had a couple weeks ago as justification for those fears. During that conversation, she was frustrating me to no end with the constant focus on negatives and twisting my words to fit her narrative. I was irritated as hell and grabbed a couple tiny rubber disks that were on the counter about the size of a silver dollar and threw them down the hallway, which was in the exact opposite direction of her. I'll repeat, they were thrown in the complete opposite direction of where she was standing.

You scared her. You don't have to throw something directly at her to scare her, any kind of violent act in her presence is enough to put fear into her. I understand you say you would never strike her, but she doesn't know what you are capable of. You go on to make light of this situation explaining over and over that you would never hurt her. But words mean nothing to her right now, only actions. It's in DR, it's in Sandi's rules, and we say it over and over again. ACTIONS not WORDS. What did your ACTIONS say to her? So do a 180 on that ASAP.

This mindset tells me one of two things: 1) She is using it as a manipulation tactic to further justify her reasons for wanting to leave or 2) if she truly does fear harm from me, that speaks volumes to just how broken and fragile she is right now.

You really need to own what you did and quit trying to blame her for it, because that is EXACTLY what abusive people do. I am not saying you're abusive, but your lack of remorse over what you did is very concerning.

Once they were home and we got the kids to bed, I left to go GAL.

I don't know the dynamics of your home life but it sounds like S3 is on the same floor as you and W is in the basement. Presumably if S3 needs something he goes to the closest parent (you). So just leaving without telling your W is not a good idea. What is S3 fell down the stairs trying to find his mom? GAL doesn't mean "disappear whenever you want". Be responsible about GAL'ing. When small kids are involved then tell your W when you're planning to leave. You don't have to tell her where you are going, but do coordinate with her if you are going to leave her to take care of the kids.

She said that I can shut her out and she understands it but she would appreciate it, since we are parents together, to let her know when I'm leaving. She then claimed that S3 was up crying and wandering around upstairs while I was gone. She sleeps in the basement. She said if she would have known I was gone, she would have slept on the couch upstairs. Some of this is sort of BS because she would have gotten a notification on her phone from the security camera app showing me leaving.

It's not BS, it's a perfectly reasonable request. Don't be rude/ cold/ indifferent about your GAL. If your goal is to save the M then you've got to LOVINGLY detach. Don't depend on a security camera to inform her. That's not being mature and responsible.

I found out that there is a Retrouvaille program in the same city for this weekend. I decided that I was going to ask one last time and see if she would be interested in attending.

As Steve and others told you, this is a bad idea. She's not in the right place. When you sign up they will call both parties and ask them if they are willing to give reconciliation a try. Both spouses must be willing or you will not be allowed in. I doubt your W would get past that first question.

In the past, I would be confronting her about it as we speak. But, I'm feeling now like I should just sit on this. Monitor it a little more and see just how intense it gets, etc. I'm still waiting for the answer to Retrouvaille.

An A is a deal-killer for Retrou. They will call each of you separately and state categorically that if there's an OP involved then you can't go.

I wondering if when she tells me she's still not comfortable in going if I should just response with something like, "Ok, that's fine. I'm having second thoughts on wanting to do it at this juncture anyway, so that's probably for the best," and let her stew about why I would say that?

No just say you understand and will not broach the subject with her again.

Do I let her know that I know they are communicating again?

It depends. Can you do it calmly without yelling or throwing things? Are you prepared for things between you to be well and truly over? Because that may very well be the result. I would suggest just leaving it alone and detaching. LH is completely right about the "illusion of action" you're trapped in. You feel like you have to do SOMETHING whether it's make her go to retrou, or make her go to counseling, or throw your hands in the air and say it's over, or file for D yourself. But you don't. You don't have to do ANYTHING. In fact you SHOULDN'T do anything other than pull back and give her time and space. You've lost control and you are desperate to get it back. Hey, we've all been there (or are there). But you have to let go and let it be until you can center yourself again. It takes time, use the time wisely.