[Wanted1]

That's another 180 that I suppose I could implement -- I've ALWAYS made it a point to respond to phone calls, text messages, emails, etc. in a VERY timely manner. Always. No matter who it is. If I don't respond at all it will definitely pique her interest I would think because it would be completely out of the norm for me.

W,

I get the feeling that everything you do in regards to your sitch is to get a reaction from her. Why do you feel the need to pique her interest?

Is it:
W: Whats wrong you didn't respond to my text?
Y: You know what's wrong.
W: No I don't what's wrong?
Y: You know you're texted my buddy (gotcha)

You 180 bad behaviors you have to improve yourself for you. Responding to people in a timely manner is not a bad behavior.

LH,

I know based on the history in my threads that that is a great assumption to make. And, in the past, you would be right. But I'm telling you, I'm at a different stage right now. I have NO intentions of bringing it up to her right now. None. I did earlier but like Steve mentioned, what do I gain by bringing it up? Well, I'd gain the "gotcha! I caught you lying and deceiving again!" and then afterwards I would bare the brunt of accusatory blame for invading privacy and snooping. Which would only piss me off and push her further away.

Now, I preface what I'm going to ask advice on next with trying to remind you and everyone else that I do NOT want to bring up the texts with former best friend. That is why I'm asking how to proceed with this......

So, I'm not going to respond to the text inquiring from W "if I want to talk about her thoughts on Retrovaille tonight." I'm going to go out on a limb and assume she is going to come to me after we get the kids to bed and ask if I want to talk about them. I KNOW that short circuiting that conversation with me just simply saying, "No, not really. I've changed my mind about Retrouvaille," would be the response most of you would suggest I do.

But, I want to run this by you all and see what you think.

First, I am reminded of the phrase 'leave no stone unturned.' What I mean by that is, would there be any value in listening and validating whatever these thoughts are that she wants to share? What if, by some grace of God, she does want to start dipping her toe in the pool that is R, or just simply wants to see if Retrouvaille would make a difference in our communication issues? Yes, I agree that that is probably the exact opposite of what these thoughts she speaks of are. But, remember, leave no stone unturned. Would it hurt at all if all I did was listen and validate those thoughts whether they be negative or positive?

Second, and maybe more importantly, I'm dealing with a WW that either twists anything I say into something with negative connotations and/or picks up on any sort of negative she can garner out of anything I say or do. So, a little background, my GAL this weekend was going to see a sporting event that I am incredibly passionate about. In the past, I would never miss a chance to watch my teams play. The sporting event I am going to be attending is a team that I have lived and died for. With that being the case, I can't help but be a little nervous about her insinuating that my sudden 180 on not wanting to attend Retrouvaille will be because I place this sporting event as my top priority over going to Retrouvaille. Even though, when I asked her about Retrouvaille, I said, "if we went, that means I would miss the game but my top priority is family and I'd gladly miss it if you were interested in attending." Like I said, she tries to glean anything negative from anything I say or do, so if me being selfish and wanting to go to the game instead of attend Retrouvaille with her fits her narrative, she will take it and run!

With all of that, does it makes sense to explain something in regards to my 180 about not attending Retrouvaille? Again, I do NOT want to bring up the texting I found. And I understand and appreciate 'talking too much.' It's definitely hurt me numerous times throughout this whole debacle. I want to try to prepare for any scenario that might pop up and handle it better than I have in the past.

So I need advice on:

1) Would it be wrong to listen to what she says and validate? OR
2) Short circuit the conversation and tell her I've changed my mind on it (and include this caveat) because I don't think it's something that would be beneficial to us based on where we are at right now? OR
3) Short circuit the conversation and just state "I'm not interested in discussing it because I've changed my mind." and leave it at that and let her come to any negative conclusion that helps further "justify" what she wants?