So i dont know why my shifts seem to take so much longer then others. It could be because i never had definitive proof of anything other then that my ex left me. Dont even know for sure if he actually cheated. Although based on every other wayward he probably did. So maybe its because i just never had that knowledge of what really went down. Or perhaps i am a bit mentally unstable (you would never guess if you worked with me or of we went out for drinks though) or perhaps i am just deeply sensitive.
He left in the summer of 2015 and i still feel very deep emotions. So i guess i am not surviving as well as most on this forum.
But i did have another shift i would like to share.
I was thinking about how lucky my ex is. How he gets away with mediocrity. He knows how to seem involved in his sons life with minimal statements to me, or his mother, or the teachers and everyone things great things about him. I have mentioned this before... he would do great on OLD because he looks like a great catch on the surface. (Which is why i denounce the superficial stuff so frequently)
Anyway. I was revenge fantasizing (i know i should be beyond that) about the world discovering who he really is. Maybe he gets called out for a DWI or publicly hits rock bottom. And i realized, i dont want that to happen to him.
My son has it hard enough, dealing with a dad that is a bare minimalist. My son is already set apart by his issues, and living in a wealthy neighborhood with his single mom living with her parents. Why would i ever want my son to be subjected to that type of humiliation so that i could be validated???????
This was huge for me. It does not mean i will befriend ex and do things with him fornmy son's sake. But at least i am now wishing evil.
I know you guys are all past this and indifferent and on to dating and new hobbies and careers. But im carry these huge divorce weights on my shoulders.
