Introduction

[TJT]

Haven't you been essentially living as if you are D'd for a while now? What is it about the actual filing that scares you so much?

Yes, it's not the physical reality of the situation that I'm scared about. It's the perception of dwindling hope, where before, I was sitting here thinking that maybe mentally he is rethinking things or has doubts about going through with it, or giving himself time (just like I was) to fully pull the trigger and call it quits.

So to me it's that indicator that yeah, sure, he is absolutely behaving like we are divorced, but I also haven't known for certain what he is actually doing (if people can tell me not to dream up / assume / think catastrophically about what he IS doing, then it stands that I also don't know what he's NOT doing and for all I know he could be sitting there every day depressed and just not acting on it). I've been hoping that maybe emotionally, he has been rethinking things during this time apart.

Again especially based on what I know of him as a person, I feel like it says something major. And also because there's no other logistical gain that HE gets from divorcing me - we're not going to fight over money or the house or whatever, it actually just adds more work to his plate in getting his own insurance, etc. So again - if he's willing to do all that, I am getting the impression that being legally "single" is really important to him, which leads me to believe he is either moving on in a really major way with OW, or just really doesn't want to be tied to me in any way.

I do get the aside from the legal aspect of being married, nothing changes the dynamic of our relationship as it is right now and the way we decide to "be" together isn't determined by a piece of paper. From that side of things, it's not like we can never ever have a relationship again just because of that. But I just feel like he's the type of person where once something is done, it's done, so the likelihood that we would legally get a divorce and then him come back later to say "wait nevermind" seems a lot more slim, vs. now where I feel like it would be much less of a mental barrier for him, if we are still legally married, to come forth and say "maybe separating was a mistake".

Hope some of that makes sense.