Thanks for the reminder that this will take more time than I might have guessed. While I have career projects to occupy me meantime, I still think of her constantly. I guess none of us would be here if we all could walk away as easily as our spouses seem to have been able to.
Regarding the distinction between "narrative" and "behavior," I see the two intimately linked. To a large extent, our actions are motivated by the stories we tell ourselves. W claims that she has been unhappy for the past 15 years. This surprised me and I think this would surprise our kids, our extended families, and our close friends as well.
I am not sure if this has been truly her emotional reality over those 15 years, or whether this is the story she tells herself now as she looks back at a life I can only guess she now feels was unfulfilled. Whichever version or mix of versions it is, this is the narrative that is driving her decisions right now.
I continue to pray for her. Regardless of whether she chooses to work on the marriage, for her own growth and happiness as an individual, I hope she can exorcise the resentment and anger lingering in her. I've expressed remorse for my behavior, and that this point, I draw comfort from the 3Cs of Al-Anon families: "I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it."
