[Wanted1]

Like Neff said, put on your big boys pants move forward in your life, take care of your kids and the rest will take care of itself. Let her file, let her do the heavy lifting.

I agree with this. Unless you can answer one question yes.

"Do you want a divorce?"

When you get to the point where you can answer that "yes" then you are ready to file yourself. Until you can answer that yes, then do as LH says....make her do the work.

I still have the same beliefs and core values that D is not something I am going to pursue, personally. My faith and my core values are strongly against D. That's a big part of my reason for not wanting one. Another part is that I don't like giving up on something without trying to work on it and at least try to correct it. My failings (e.g. communication, sort of going into cruise control with our M, not nurturing the M and making our M a priority, essentially letting it take a back seat to kids, work, etc.) are things that are correctable. Especially now that I own and accept my failings and am 100% willing to work to become a better H and person in general. There is a very big difference between knowing what's wrong and wanting to fix things and just floating through life and M without realizing there are fundamental problems. That's where there is a major hangup. W says she doesn't agree with me that we haven't tried to work on our M in the past. While I have validated her and acknowledge that maybe she tried, individually, that isn't really the same. (And I question how much she's really tried when there has been 3 As) When I'm not cognizant of her unhappiness and she doesn't express to me that we have work to do, how can I make necessary changes? I feel like the one obvious thing she should have tried, she didn't, which was communicate the unhappiness or doubts. It would take two to work on and make our M better because we both have necessary changes that need to take place. I can't change for the better if I don't know that I need to or should be.

Now, if she wants a D, I'm resigned to the fact that there is nothing I can do about it. I've accepted that. It's no longer such an intimidating thought or fear for me. Would it be painful and hurt like hell? Absolutely. But I'm also comfortable with the fact that I've done and tried everything I could possibly do to try to save our M. Most of it probably from the wrong approach, according to DB techniques, but nevertheless, I'm not sure what else I can do other than 'let her go.' And when the day comes that she tells me point blank, 'I'm out,' I won't be begging or pleading for her to reconsider. I'm not that person anymore.

It helps me to approach my situation that this version of my W is an enemy to me and my family. The mindset my W has now has destroyed the woman I married, she wants to destroy me and most of all, wants to destroy any sense of family my kids have ever had. If she continues to use my actions (outburst a couple weeks ago where I threw something) or what I've said since BD as justification for her decision, I'm going to simple tell her that is a poor way of making a decision. Because ever since BD, I've gone into protection mode. I've done and said things out of my sense and instinct to protect what I have and protecting our kids from an enemy trying to destroy their livelihoods. When you think about it, that is the honest to God truth. This version of my W is an enemy to my entire family and my instincts to protect those I love so dearly took over. Right or wrong, that's what happened.