Hi Bo, when reading through your first post my first thought was the same as Cadet's- PPD may be a huge factor. Particular red flags are the comment that she has a desire to get away from the kids, and that she's harboring a lot of anger towards you. My W went through it in a major way after the birth of our 3rd child. She had a lot of those same feelings, didn't want to be part of a family anymore, felt dead inside (her words were "like I'm a black hole inside"), etc. She ended up on anti-depressants which did help her.
By the way, has she said WHY she is angry towards you, or is she just expressing anger in general? A lot of times PPD will make them angry and they don't know why, so the husband becomes a convenient target for their anger.
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In February (early pregnancy), she began telling me how angry she was with me, and how I needed to work on some things, but in her estimation I would start, but then backslide. She told me 'ILYBINILWY,' and expressed that she isn't sure she wanted to be married to me.
What things did she want you to work on? Did you? Have you backslid on any of them?
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We were intimate a couple of weeks ago
That's not uncommon, but unfortunately it doesn't mean anything as far as recon chances. My ex and I had pretty regular sex after BD right up until she moved out.
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but I've not been pushing it, because I'm trying to respect her space
Good, you definitely don't want to pressure her with sex or M talks or anything of the sort right now.
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I want our MR to work, and I don't want to lose the kids. I also believe a D would be ruinous financially, to say nothing of the kids.
I understand, we all felt that way! But this isn't about what YOU want, it's about what SHE wants. And if she wants D, you can't stop it. So don't try to stop it. You fight for your M by not fighting for it. By working on yourself while giving her the time and space she wants and needs. By the way, financial disaster is rarely a consideration for a WAS. They feel desperate to get out of the M and do not give much (if any) consideration to the financial devastation it might cause. Don't make that argument to her, it will fall on deaf ears. You can't use logic and reason to bring her back.
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I also believe that if she were as angry as she claims, she'd be in front of her IC much more often, as she has been out on maternity leave.
It sounds like you are banking on IC helping her want to come back to the M. It will not. IC's are mostly there to support and validate, so if your W says she thinks D is the best course of action they will agree with her. Same with MC. Most traditional counselors are "divorce facilitators".
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FWIW, she still wears both wedding rings, we got out to social functions as a family, hosted Thanksgiving and a family friend last weekend, and I haven't seen evidence of her doing anything with money or hoarding possessions that would indicate she is leaving / wants to leave.
We all look for hope wherever we can, but rest assured she is planning her escape even if it's not anytime soon. I just say this so you know what you are up against. She may change her mind much later but for now she's done and you need to accept that.
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Not sure if I have a MLCer or a WW (not necessarily OM, but for her anger, or seeming like a different woman than the one I married).
Sounds like a WAS to me. She's not wayward I don't think, at least not yet.
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Our 7-year anniversary is in early December, and we previously talked about anniversary gifts, but there hasn't been much discussion of that recently. Should I bring it up? Let her broach it? And if she does mention it, say something like 'I only want to plan an anniversary with you if it won't be our last together'?
I definitely wouldn't say that, comments like that are pressure and it's talk of a future together which breaks one of Sandi's rules. My ex and I were separated just before our anniversary. I told her "I know we're separated now but it seems strange to ignore our anniversary, rather than exchange gifts would you like to just go to dinner at XYZ?" And we did and it was fine. I had no expectations that it meant anything and it didn't, but at least it brought me some peace that I wouldn't have had if I had just pretended to ignore the anniversary.
