[Living]

Update

I’m afraid that many of you were right. My H is definitely not ready to commit to this marriage or anything for that matter. He made a point to tell me the other day that he still wants out of this marriage. He’s unhappy. So yesterday I asked him what happiness would look like to him. My therapist suggested that I ask him this and just listen. He said happiness would look like:

*he would do things he enjoys
*he would go fishing
*he would go hunting
*he would take a long ride to another state on a whim
*he would join a bowling league
*he would take the kids camping (but then he said he missed that opportunity because they are now older)
*he would build something

To him that is what happiness would look like.

He then apologizes again to me for taking me through all this.

*he’s sorry that he cheated on me, I didn’t deserve that
*he’s sorry he’s hurting me and the kids
*he wouldn’t have married me if he didn’t think it would work
*he doesn’t deserve me
*he appreciates me giving him a second chance after the divorce but it was a second chance he didn’t deserve

He then starts to reflect on the beginning of our relationship and he says to me “when I met you I didn’t have anything” I had nothing”. When he says this he’s referring to financially. He then asked me why the hell did I even want him? He asked me what made me want someone who didn’t have anything.

I told him because I saw a good person, we talked a lot, had great chemistry, and I felt we had something we could build upon. I told him when I met him I saw him as a person not a pocket book.

So here I am my friends.

I asked him when he thinks he can move out. He said June and then maybe in a year. I told him that wouldn’t be possible, I need him to move out as soon as possible. He put his head down and said OK.

I love my husband with every fiber of my being but I’m tired. I’m devastated that my marriage is ending. However, I’m tired. I can not continue to ride this roller coaster. I wish I could make him see that he may be making a mistake. But maybe he isn’t making a mistake. Maybe he will be much happier when this marriage is over and he’s free.