13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So, I guess this is kind of therapy for me to write - It has been more of a help than I have actually recognized until now.

Basically not much has changed around the house. I am enjoying my time with the kids a lot. Doing a lot of things outside of the house with them, and then when they are tugged in, I usually hit the gym, go see a friend or do something that keeps me out of the house.

WW has been acting SUPER friendly to me, since we closed down the final attachment strings (house going for sale and financials being separated). She asks me a lot of questions, smiles, tries to engage in conversation, cooks, and wants to make my meals. I am not fooled by her words or her actions, because I know it is a mix of her being happy that she is now 100% free (she was anyways), to pursue that new and shiny future with the OM, and also the fact, that she can see the end of this seemingly nightmare of living with me (i told her to move out on more than one occasion, but yea)... So I guess she is just displaying, that she finally got her way, and therefore she is happy and doesn't mind having her family around while it lasts (yea Im not a fan of this behaviour, but its out of my hands).

I have been setting up a bucket list of european capitals that I want to visit over the next years, and I am exited about going. I also have been looking for a new job, because I believe this is a "reboot" of my life, and that I really need it to be a total reboot.

WW has been disrespectful to say the least... Those of you follow and help me in my stitch, or did, since I realize it is over, will agree with the amount of disrespect that I have received. She now doesn't even hide the fact that she is in daily (a lot), contact with the OM. Her phone is on the table counter with an open display, so I can't but notice when im in the kitchen, and it lights up with texts and snapchats from this man, and it does often - I shouldn't care, but I do (still, im faking it till I make it - or at least till im out of this house).

I still love the woman dearly, but as I wrote, I realize that in order to survive this and not loose myself, I know now, that I must set her free to live her life without me. Painful as it is for me and for our 1 and 4 year old.

She asks me every morning what my day looks like, and if I will be home during the evening. I again just pass it off as her knowing wether she can make plans with OM or not, not an actual interest in my actual doings.

So yea, I am not looking forward to Christmas, but I will put on a brave face for my children, so they can have a great Christmas despite their mothers actions.

I will be having the kids this Christmas, and we are going to spend it with my family. I hope (I know it might come off as childish), that she sits on Christmas eve, without her kids, and that the guilt and hurt flush over her, that I have experienced for the last 3 months. I doubt it though.

//Hurt