“Avoid discussing the R at ALL costs. If she does bring up the R you: listen, actively, and VALIDATE!!”
[So W/R/T to our upcoming anniversary, don’t say anything unless she brings it up first? Is that what I’m hearing? (I made reservations for us for dinner out this weekend, but haven’t told her—figured I’d wait for her to bring it up and then tell her I already made plans.)]
I think you misunderstand a bit. The point with all WASs, whether WS or not, is that you do not want to become a slave. "But I didn't do laundry, or clean the kitchen, or vacuum the floors before BD. So I want to 180 on that." The point is to do your fair share, but make her do her share. One of the best is to do your own laundry (and the kids') but not hers. Let her do her own laundry. (One point, you do not want to be passive-aggressive with any of this, so try to keep the right attitude.)
180ing on bad behavior is imperative to your sitch. FOR YOU, not for her. For instance, in my sitch I used to come home from work and I would start complaining and nitpicking. Under my breath. The NGS in me would have me acting passive-aggressively about the dishes not being done. The floors being a mess. Etc. 180s I instituted was to stop the complaining, nitpicking, and passive-aggressiveness. I started having an attitude of "if I want the dishes done, I should do them!"
180ing, is NOT turning into Mr. Mom. IE, suddenly you are doing everything for her. It is about fixing your own shortcomings, not becoming a doormat. [/quote]
[I’ll do my best to keep the proper attitude and not have it come off as passive-aggressive. I will admit that back in the spring, when this really came to a head, I tried to be SuperDad. I thought it worked, but apparently not.]
