Gordie 22 eight months after she dropped the D

[neffer]

Where I live summer is coming. I sanely envy the chance most of you guys have to be in a snowy Christmas. Here we have sun, beaches and girls in really tiny bikinis

Your lights will shine so bright G! Good for you and your family,

[SBJ]

Gord, I am planning on the same thing this year. The last two years have sucked when it came to my lack of decorating. I have always focused on the outside, while the ex would do the inside. 2 years ago she actually came to my house and decorated the tree with my daughter while I was at work. Last year my kids and I did it together. I want to try and let the space station see my lights this year. It is still tough that she still sees what she did as ok, but it is truly out of my control.

I want to hear from you that you and your kids light up the night sky with all of your lights. I pray that your wife is able to see the joy that this time of year is suppose to bring to families.

Quick question.......do you prefer colored outside lights or the plain white lights? How about the lights on the tree?

[Gerda]

Gordie, I must say I was surprised that you didn't do the lights those two years! That's kind of comforting to me, because I always worry about my weakness and it's comforting to know that even Super Gord gets crushed. But I am glad you are no longer crushed and love the thought of you making something amazing for your kids, light upon light! Wish we could see a photo of that. Your kids will be happy and it will be a sign to them of light and goodness and that no matter what, their dad will always make things as wonderful for them as he can.

YOU GO, GORDIE!!! XO

[Gerda]

SBJ, I am always so happy to see you wherever you pop up.

I keep trying to do stuff based on Charlyne from Rejoice's devotionals on that at every holiday. Mostly I get too overwhelmed and tired but I always manage to do something for every holiday. Definitely need a man to do the lights -- I was just looking at the icicle lights, which I love, but there is just no way I can figure out how to get up high to do those.

Or maybe there is. I should be inspired by you guys!

Your wife decorating last year really gave me pause. That must have been wonderful and yet so confusing when it didn't prove to signal her return thereafter. (At least then, hopefully the pendulum will swing back again.) MLC sure is painful to bear. Good for you for being open and patient.

[Gerda]

Gordie, I just read what you wrote on Hamburg's thread about your W wanting you to meet the OM.

I never knew that.

So so so shocking.

That cuts my heart like a very sharp and very salty knife to even think of it.

It must have hurt you so much.

That day, if I could have, I would have met you in my church and just sat there in the silence looking at the stories of Christ all above us -- and of Mary -- and thinking about their love for us and their patience in suffering, and laying that about your W asking that at their feet. But I would have cried with you, that is for sure.

The only good thing about it is that it's so clear she was not in her right mind, thinking that way.

I think you have said she has from time to time alluded to hurting you.

Has she said anything about that?

The fact that she is back, in whatever way she is back, is amazing when you think of her wanting you to meet the OM. It gives me some hope to juxtapose those two things.

I am going to go into my room and pray for a while; that post of yours threw me to my knees for us both.

[ovrrnbw]

Gordie,

I haven't been on your thread in a while. Just wanted to check in with you. It seems you are still walking a tough path. The longer we walk the hard paths, the harder we get, and the easier the paths we choose seem. You are in control of yourself and I admire you for the way you think and the way you act.

Also, I decided last week that I'm putting up lights this year no matter what. I don't go hog wild like you (didn't know you were such a showboat lulz), but I love Christmas lights and won't let my sitch get me down.

[roist]

Gordie,

In your posts I hear you settling for the lesser of two evils, yet resenting it. I can understand that and no one here will blame you for feeling that way.

I also notice a recurrence in your posts over recent months. Maybe that is inevitable idk. My threads had many repeated similarities. Reread your last few threads and see if you notice anything.

Maybe you need to dust off the cobwebs and go back to basics.

You need to ask yourself some probing questions to refind your true reason for standing. Because it's better than D may be true but isn't good enough to help you withstand the strains and frustrations of limbo.

Speaking of those frustrations, do you know where yours are coming from?
# unmet expectations
# lack of progress
# resentment that after all your efforts and time this is all you have
# diminishing hope about the ideal future you had in.mind when you decided to stand
# all of the above?
Only you.can identify this accurately but doing so will.help you.

Have you recently sat down and noted what next baby steps would indicate progress? There were times when I felt things were getting worse in our R but after rereading my mini goals, some progress was still occurring.

Another part of my last point is to notice each day all the positives in your W/M. Never underestimate the power of gratitude. Go a step further and express it more. Not as a tool to achieveimprovement with W (though that could happen) but more so to be a better you

What other self improvements are you working on?

I read recently that people should find joy in the situations they experience: be joyful when it snows. Because whether you are joyful or not, there is the same amount of snow! Go find your joy/happiness.ReRevisit the excel at life site. I always find something helpful.

None of my comments are judging you or your situation.
By now I hope you know that anything I post is only intended to help. You seem a little stuck so I am pushing you to find what you need to live and to thrive, not survive (you have that one covered!!)

Best wishes

[Gerda]

Awesome post, Roist. I also felt Gordie was a wee bit stuck, though I saw it as straddling a spiritual fence without leaping over. Loved your post, helped me too.

[Gordie]

Over Roist Gerda

Thank you for your comments and concern

I guess I have felt stuck recently

Which I did not fully realize

You have given me food for thought

And questions to ponder



Journaling

My daughter took sides in our conflict and stood with w

She came to me this past week

And told me how much she loved me

And how happy she is

And how life is good

And thanking me for being her dad

And how I have shaped her into the woman she is today



Christmas lights are up and kids are delighted

[Gerda]

Gordie, send news.

Love,

Gerda