I'm with you on the shame feeling. I cringe at some of the things I did and said in the early days. I also remember pleading, crying etc etc and him asking me to give him more time and just be patient. I didn't listen. I wanted it sorting immediately. I couldn't understand what the big deal was; he'd had an affair, I would forgive him, we loved each other and just needed to crack on with it. he kept saying he was frightened. He thought there was something worth saving in the marriage but was scared it would just be what it was before. But within a few weeks of declarations of love and intent, he was back sleeping with OW and within a matter of weeks, declared that he would never ever live with me again. I do feel strong most of the time, but I also know there is 'bravado' on both sides. So many things left unsaid, mostly because I would get hysterical or nasty about OW and he would run away.
I have apologised for my part in the breakdown but I also find at times I want to take on his shame and guilt as he seems unable. I know that's not right. So, I'm just going to sit and wait and see what happens.
I know what sort of wife he wants me to be and I cannot be that person. But perhaps, given time he would have some insight into why he thinks that and deal with his issues and maybe his 'ideal' would change.
I am GAL and living my life to the full, but you can't keep busy all the time and then the 'voices' start. I'm blaming the darned hormones for today's pity party.
