Finding the Balance and then Tipping the Scale

[burned]

I am not saying it'll get me in good with her, but I hope in time with things happening naturally, that if I put myself in a position to do better, to also help others, that if she does notice, who knows... ( I know not to expect anything, I'm making an observation on my current situation with IHS, living together respectfully, and having opportunities to show the other person something positive, where taking an action (fixing fence) leads to something else positive ( helping brother) = how wife feel? this could be akin to action (GAL) coming home (action = not relying on W for emotional support) = how wife feel?)

That entire paragraph reeks of expectations and trying to think about how your actions will influence her feelings. NGS! You're new at this so don't feel bad, I'm just pointing it out so you start to get a sense of how insidious it can be. BTW, I'm not saying I'm any better at it than you are...

Watch out for "the illusion of action." You've read through my posts, you've seen me spinning for months trying to calculate exactly what to do to "fix this." Hasn't gotten me anywhere. So don't forget the one of the official DB principles from the DR book is that sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something, because "something" wasn't working, and "nothing" is something different.