New here, but reader of forums previously trying to glean advice.
Now I'm looking for some help of my own.
Married 7 years in December, together 8.5. 2 S, oldest 6, youngest 8 weeks old.
We've had our up and downs in our MR, and she's told me in the past what she's been unhappy with, and I've attempted to fix it. However, pregnancy with our youngest really put things into relief, especially back in February. W was up for a promotion at work (Federal employee), and needed to take a physical fit exam. She previously tried the exam, and failed due to a medical condition. However, she became pregnant soon after, and could not retake the test and thus could not get that promotion.
In February (early pregnancy), she began telling me how angry she was with me, and how I needed to work on some things, but in her estimation I would start, but then backslide. She told me 'ILYBINILWY,' and expressed that she isn't sure she wanted to be married to me.
I was a wreck after she told me that, and we both sought IC. I have read a good portion of TDR, and during the spring, I implemented what I could from TLR.
During the spring and into the summer, things seemed like they were improving. Then our youngest was born in September. About a month after he was born, W tells me that she thought not being pregnant would help her anger subside. It hasn't. She floated the idea of when our youngest is in 'a better place,' the possibility of taking a break or separating for a little bit. I told her I'm not leaving these kids. This prompted me to get back with my IC (I basically took the summer off).
We were intimate a couple of weeks ago, but I've not been pushing it, because I'm trying to respect her space, and we've a cold circulating amongst the 4 of us. She claims that breast-feeding the youngest and the physical clinginess of our oldest drives her to want to be alone. She told me a couple of weeks ago that I should not take it personally, and though I trust her, I'm incredibly hurt. The last couple of weeks have meant very little in terms of affection or time together for both of us (some of that was me half-heartedly going back to LRT, but my IC recommends against that at the moment).
She told me back in Feb. there is no OM, and a few weeks ago that she hasn't contacted a lawyer yet and hopes it never has to get that's far. I do see on our computer in the bookmarks toolbar links for leasing agencies (did not snoop, in plain sight when we would watch videos on computer together).
I want our MR to work, and I don't want to lose the kids. I also believe a D would be ruinous financially, to say nothing of the kids.
I also believe that if she were as angry as she claims, she'd be in front of her IC much more often, as she has been out on maternity leave. FWIW, she still wears both wedding rings, we got out to social functions as a family, hosted Thanksgiving and a family friend last weekend, and I haven't seen evidence of her doing anything with money or hoarding possessions that would indicate she is leaving / wants to leave.
I also know that past a certain point, she chooses to be angry (a couple of weeks ago she mentioned that she is still angry at me and isn't sure when / if she can get over that) and that I didn't break her (therefore can't fix her).
Not sure if I have a MLCer or a WW (not necessarily OM, but for her anger, or seeming like a different woman than the one I married).
I also know I deserve better--either from her, or from someone else down the road. Right now, pouring myself into things that don’t seem like they are totally falling apart, mainly our kids (especially the youngest), and my schoolwork (I’m a teacher).
Our 7-year anniversary is in early December, and we previously talked about anniversary gifts, but there hasn't been much discussion of that recently. Should I bring it up? Let her broach it? And if she does mention it, say something like 'I only want to plan an anniversary with you if it won't be our last together'?
There's more specifics I could get into, but I'll save it for later as needed (trying to eliminate as much of NGS as I can).
Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
