Grace... my H was the same way. Every time I have had a “talk” with him and said things like you did, he would just nod his head. I would mistake that for agreement but it wasn’t. It was just his way of avoiding conflict. Nodding implied agreement but honestly, it was really just acknowledging how I felt. Inside, he was in total disagreement and just couldn’t tell me. I left feeling like maybe we had gotten somewhere and he left feeling more pressure and more resolve to “save himself” by running further. I wish I had gotten all of this in the very beginning. But it is so hard...to really comprehend how two people can be in the same situation and have completely different ideas about what is going on. For your sake, you need to continue to detach. He may come back...but he won’t even consider it until he thinks you have stopped caring. That concept is SOOOO hard to understand. Your H’s brain is a mess of contradictions. He doesn’t want to hurt you more than he already has. He will not stop to look at his own stuff until he thinks he no longer has the power to do that. Right now he just needs to prove he didn’t go through all this for naught. You are right not to check up on him. He has fired you from that role. Let him suffer the consequences of that.
