I got to his house Friday afternoon. We made dinner and watched some TV. Late on, both his kids arrived (they had been working late in their home town, then driven up) and we all turned in.
Saturday...what a day! Up early and a nice breakfast before setting off early to our sporting event. It was a 20 minute drive, an hour train journey and a half hour walk there.
We stopped for a coffee on the way and I had a nice chat with his S22 about the rules of the game we were about to watch. He's quite shy and private, but a lovely, thoughtful and gentle person. I can see so much of his dad in him. He has not long graduated with a degree in engineering, and is living at home with his mum and working full time in a holiday resort while looking for a graduate job.
After the game we walked back into town, stopping off for a drink before dinner. The pub was super crowded, with another game on the TVs. His D19 and I had a nice chat. She's very sociable, very open and likeable, and I can see how people really like her straight off. She is living at home with her mum and working full time in a nearby bar/restaurant while deciding what to do. She's not really interested in following an academic path - she's much more of a hands on kind of person (and I think her ability to connect with other people quickly and easily would be a huge asset to her in this). But I think she's getting a bit of pressure from her mum to go to university and get a degree. I'm getting the impression that her mum is very ambitious and is very much about the pursuit of external indicators of success/class.
We all went to dinner and chatted some more.
Train and bus home and we all got back about midnight. I was super tired and falling asleep on the bus.
Sunday was a lazy day. We all got up late, went to do some food shopping, went to visit his mum (who is in a home nearby as she has dementia). But she was obviously very tired and sound asleep, so we just came back. D had picked a recipe for us and cooked dinner for us all. We watched a film together and they left to go back to their mum's house about 7.30pm.
And another Monday has rolled round again.
We had a nice chat about Christmas. I only get Christmas day off from my December freelance contract, whilst he gets the standard two week break from his work. Last year he came to stay with me for Christmas Day and then headed off on Boxing Day to some mountains up north to do some winter walking. We had the most wonderful day together, just cooking and being very relaxed. New Year I came to stay with him.
So this year, we're going to do the opposite. I'm going to stay with him for Christmas Day, and he'll come to mine for New Year. I'll finish up at about 8.00pm on Christmas Eve and then head to his house (it's two train journeys away for me). I think I'll get here about 11.00pm.
His D is staying at her mum's house for Christmas, as she'll be working until late at the bar/restaurant on Christmas Eve, and then early again on Boxing Day. His S will be coming to see his dad for Christmas, so it will be the three of us here. We had a chat about what we could eat on Christmas Day. His S likes very traditional food, so we will probably do something along those lines. Last year, when it was just the two of us, we cooked together and made crab and parmesan ravioli (from scratch), then duck breast with a dark berry sauce and roast potatoes etc, and I made a Christmas pudding from scratch too. I had foraged some branches of pine, berries and variegated leaves for a table decoration and we had lots of candles. I had found a lovely bright red, cotton table cloth, which looked really nice against my white and blue plates.
Boxing Day I have to be back at work, and they will both be heading off up north for some winter mountain walking for a few days.
We also had a nice, very relaxed chat about presents. I'd like to give them both something, or contribute in some way. But I'm more of a thoughtful present giver rather than an extravagant one (also because I really don't earn a lot of money at all). He's also decided that he's not going to club together with his XW any more when it comes to their presents (unless it's for something major/expensive). Since their D in 2011, they've both put in money for their children's presents. But he said that she would always spend much more than the amount they had agreed on.
It's funny, I get glimpses of the kind of person his XW was from the things he's said. He's never talked badly about her, even though she had an A with her boss, and he had to leave the family home and his two children. But very, very occasionally he does mention things that she does/says that stress him out a bit or make him angry. And I wonder how many of those things are said or done to get some sort of a reaction from him. He never does, in front of her, of course. I get the sense he has a very good, strong boundary there. And I really admire and respect him for that, I can't even begin to imagine how difficult all that must have been in the beginning.
I'm still at his house at the moment, just for one more day/evening so we can spend a little more time together. I have some work that I can do with me from here today. Then I'll head home again tomorrow and start getting ready for my super busy December. I want to see if I can repeat the fitness goal I broke through last week before the start of my new contract...I loved how it felt and I want to do it again.
It's such a peaceful, gentle (yet incredibly passionate) R we have. It feels like we are both very supportive of each other, and of the way we both are. He's so private, quiet and unassuming that I think a lot of people overlook him or take him for granted, or don't give him the space to just be the way he is. I really love how we're both getting the chance to explore new parts of ourselves together. And I also love that we have each other's blessing to explore things that we are interested on our own. I'm feeling like a much more rounded person than I ever have done in the past.
