H is extending another month. He was over to see the kids before they left. So I asked. Not the DBing thing to do, I know. No need to get the 2x4s out. I’ve already taken care of that. I asked if he made any self-discoveries over the last few months. I said it’s o.k. if you don’t want to talk about it. I’m not pressuring you. He has made ZERO progress from what he said. Can’t come to terms with all that occurred (the affair, I guess --- I didn’t ask), don’t know if he can give me what I need or deserve. Yada Yada Yada. Same stuff from months ago. He admitted he is depressed, and probably would have killed himself if it wasn’t for the kids. Said he spends a lot of time alone, and found a good neighborhood bar. I said nothing. Just listened. He said I was doing fine. He can see that. I said I was, and for ME, it’s useless to live in the past and let it consume me. I am finding happiness for ME. He shared a few scenarios, like retiring early, selling everything, and buying a Condo in the town our kids live in and moving there with me, or even living as we are. I said whatever scenario life holds for us, if it involves us together, we would have to find a way to make new us. He nodded agreement.
If we continue to live apart, seems to me we would have to make a more formal agreement. But, maybe not. All the bills are paid for out of our joint account, so for me there is not really a rush. And ultimately I think it is to my benefit if we do D that he has continued to contribute keeping this house running.
Why do people want to wallow in their own self pity and live so stuck? I certainly have my moments of self-pity, but they do not linger because I choose for them not to linger and consume me. The only help I can give H is to continue to pray for him. And I do. Every day.
Now that I know he will extend it another month, and he is still in the same spot he was several months ago, it’s time to buckle down and limit my contact, I think. I’m too available. It was tough this week with the death of his mom, the kids home, and Thanksgiving, but now I think I will go as dark as possible.
Perhaps my broaching the subject today will make him scurry further away. Maybe even likely. I know that was a risk. But I’m glad I did it anyway. I would rather know the plans, than wonder about it. I look forward to the time where I’m not even wondering about it! Well, for now, it’s time to make my GAL plans for the week!
