Whirlwind of Hurt 5

[Twofeet]

So I was able to get plenty of extra time with the children this week. It was great. The kids had a 1/2 day on Monday. I had to work and then go to teacher conferences with W. MIL watched the kids at my house. Teacher conferences were slightly uncomfortable because the D was brought and they discussed how it was with the kids. At school the kids are doing well so that is good. After, W felt the need to tell me she was going to back to work and was going to work late to get things done. I left for home then forgot to pick up milk so I doubled back and saw that W must have done a big loop and now was heading in the opposite direction towards her home. She is free to do what she wants, but the lies are getting old. We used to be truthful to each other to a fault and now I have to deal with a woman who lies every other sentence. I am shaking my head in disgust.

Anyway I took off the rest of the week. Tuesday I took the kids to a movie with my mom. She took the youngest 2 to her house where I would bring D8 to have dinner after I took her to her rec activity. So on the way to my parents she gets upset because today is W dog's bday and D8 apparently arranged with W to see her dog for its bday. So I call W to confirm she says yes and we head over. I am not enthused about this, but it is little things like this that are a big deal for D8. So I go to W house, D8 and W give me the tour of the house. D8 feeds the dog some bday doggie icecream, while W and I talk school finances. I want to pay Nov. bill now and W starts tearing up saying how stressed she is and how broke she is. Says she is living paycheck to paycheck and has borrowed money from her parents to stay afloat. I validate her feelings and empathize with her. This seems to pull her out of it and she calms down. I feel like I have been at her house too long and I let D8 know its time to go to dinner. Wife then starts talking trash about her new house. This GIGS is ridiculous, and I won't validate her feelings about this. I tell her to stop talking about her house this way with me. I ask her if she wants my opinion, she says yes. I tell her that her house is beautiful, brand new and very well put together. If I had moved out I would be perfectly happy in a nice home like this. If she wants to sell it in the short run it is put together so nicely she wouldn't have a problem. If she wants to make it a long term the things she is sh!tting on are all minor and can be changed out without too much added cost. She says thank you and that what I said makes her feel better about her choice.

Wed the kids and I watched movies at home and played card games and board games until it was time to drop them off at W house. D8 did get really emotional that we wouldn't be having Thanksgiving as a family. I let her know it would be OK, we still love her, but this is the arrangement that is made and this is W decision. She asked if we could invite W to dinner next year when they are at my house. I said yes I would, however if your mom does not attend it is because she has chosen not to, do you understand? She says yes. I take them to W house and get a second tour of the house as S3 and S5 want to show me everything. I try to spend even less time there than the night before. I mention the xmas decorations and W starts to giving me the teary eyed stressed out talk and I just let her know its ok, she will be ok. I just say try to find some time in your schedule in the next few days to take care of it. On my way out the door the kids had starting making a huge mess. She was letting them eat on the couch and rug and they were making a mess. Something W never would have allowed in the MR.

Thanksgiving day I got up early to smoke a turkey and I get a call from W. D8 is in tears and wont stop crying until she gets to see me. W asks if she can bring her over for a couple hours. Of course I say yes. D8 and I have some quality time together. D8 tells me the kids had chips and other junk food for dinner last night. Not a real dinner. This is frustrating because this is what I am going to have to deal with. Not that its a surprise. W often couldn't "handle" the kids and would put them down in front of their tablets feed them junk food and walk away on the odd evening I had work late in the MR. D8 also told me she asked W why she divorced me. W said because I didn't listen to her, she knew I loved her but felt unloved, and she was unhappy. D8 told W that being happy is a choice, if W was unhappy that was her fault for not choosing to be happy. It is amazing how wise D8 can be! This is how I feel about things, but its nothing I recall expressing to D8, its just something she has learned on her own. Its funny that D8 can drop wisdom bombs on a 35 year old woman. Hopefully, W picks up on some of this. So D8 helped me finish the turkey, and put up the xmas tree. No ornaments or decorations as W still has them. Then we went for a bike ride. Later, W picked up D8 to take her and the kids to her folks for dinner. As I am helping D8 in the car D5 says Daddy you were not invited to thanksgiving, why were you not invited? I told her its because I wasn't, but its going to be OK. I told her that she was going to have so much fun with her cousins and if she wants she can call me anytime.

I took my smoked turkey over to my parents for Thanksgiving. They had a bunch of friends over who are more like family and it was really enjoyable. My grandmother was there so I broke the news to her. She starting wailing and crying and hugging me. I gave her the details of the when and the how long. She asked if I had any idea or any marital problems, and I told her no nothing out of the ordinary, and that I still don't know the exact reason. Gave her some details of W's behavior and actions without giving too much info. My grandma said that it sounds like W has reverted back to the emotional level of a teenager and it may be a long time to never before she comes out of it. I am just going to have to move forward and hope for the best. Grandma said that she can see some of this being the result of W upbringing in that W was spoiled and wanted for naught. She talked about annulment with me and said I need to look into it, but didn't think it was viable. My Grandma divorced my grandfather when the majority of their kids were out of the house. My grandfather was an alcoholic and was physically abusive to my grandma and the older children. My Dad told stories about how my grandfather used to just beat the sh!t out of him for no reason. Anyway, Grandma told me that before she divorced him she tried to get him to talk to a priest, and he told her to go to hell. So she was done, she also didn't feel like an annulment was doable or worth it in her case. Despite all that she said it was the most painful thing she ever did and she could sympathize with what I was going through even though they were completely different circumstances. She said that D can get lonely at times if you are not careful. She said anytime that was happening just come over for a visit and a talk. She is a strong woman and had become the head of the family on my dad's side. My grandfather? Well the sad thing was when he died I think the youngest of their very large family was the only one who went to his funeral. Very sad.

Thursday night, W called. D5 was sick and running a high fever and she wanted to know what to do. W had planned on bringing all the kids over Fri A.M. so she could work. I of course agreed because I welcome any extra time with my children. D8 was going to stay the night at the cousins then W was going to bring her over in the A.M. I had W bring D5 and S3 over Thursday night since D5 was sick I felt it was better to keep her with me as I was not working Friday and if I was up all night with D5 I could sleep in. So I guess on the ride over Fri morning D8 was haranguing W about the xmas ornaments so W promised to get them to us. We spent Fri playing games and having a good time. W was picking up D8 on my scheduled time (which was ok) and picking up D8's friend to take them to D8 recital and dinner afterwards. MIL came and watched the other 2 kids so I could go to the recital as well. At the recital I was standing there and got a call from wife wanting to know where I was at. Its funny, once she called I was just able to sense where she was at without her telling me. I said turnaround and she did and saw me immediately. I sat down next to W, D8 and her little friend. I kept everything pleasant and didn't talk much other than to exchange pleasantries. My family decided to come to the recital and were standing behind us. W noticed and got up and said I am still going to hug you when I see you and gave my Dad, Sis, and her fiancee all hugs. She then hugged my mom and started crying. My mom told me later W was hugging for dear life and wouldn't let go. Mom had to calm down W because it was starting to make my her cry. After, the recital W took D8 and friend to dinner and let me know she would meet me later for the drop off of D8. I talked to my family for a few minutes before I left. My parents said for someone who has been avoiding us and not being too friendly towards them that exchange with W was surprising. My mom and dad said that poor girl is just not right in the head.

Anyway, by Sat all 3 children and myself are now fighting a head/chest cold at varying stages. It was my mom's bday and all 3 of my children wanted to go out to dinner for her bday so we did. It was a good time and the kids cleaned up there plates really well. When we got home, W had let herself into the garage to drop off ornaments while she knew we were out. She took all of her baby ornaments and all of our kids baby ornaments. She took a bunch of other stuff as well. She was never into xmas decorations or the xmas tree, but I know she will need to now for the kids. It would have been nice if we could have went through everything together. She also returned all the marriage/ husband & wife ornaments and the ornaments my mom bought specifically for her. She sent a text asking me to box them all up with the rest of the marriage items in my closet.

Sat night D8 came down with a fever, but today we are all doing well and just taking it easy. We decided to pass on church this weekend and we will just have a lazy day so the children can get better and be prepared for school tomorrow.