I guess what I mean about my parents saying the "wrong" thing is they're too many steps ahead without pausing to even ask how I am. It's how they see helping me. On the day I told them we were separating they started talking about what to do with the house and "you won't be alone forever" and things like that. I was like...woah. I get that I'll need to address all this. But can I have ONE day to be sad and just mourn? And stop swooping in to rescue me about the house. W and I will work out whatever needs to be worked out regarding finances. I'm close to them, so if I need help I will ask. But they want to just step in and take over my life to help.
They over-parent me and I'm 34. I have spent years telling them to please back-off, that I'm adult who genuinely loves them and loves their support. But I am making my decisions. They assume I have zero money because W made so much more than me. I have a good job. I'm not destitute. But I choose to live simply, and don't buy material things so they think I can't afford it. Literally every birthday they buy me some new piece of technology (this year it was a bluetooth speaker). I just don't USE that stuff. Know what I've asked for in the past? knitting needles. Opera CDs. They always ignore this because they assume I'm being modest in my requests, but those are things I get genuinely excited about. So I'm kind of used to the parents just not listening or understanding.
Interesting what you say about people's reaction to DB. Obviously I've never use that word to the few people that know about my situation. But when i describe how I'm reacting most people call me "strong" for going through this without blaming her. I don't know how I feel about that reaction either, but I guess I'll take it. I just explain that I don't feel the need to blame her for living her life. Taking the OW out of the conversation helps people see this, they don't know the whole picture and I don't want them to. Because I truly see OW as a pathetic symptom and I do my best to not give her a second thought. My story is this: W is hurting, W is doing what she needs to do for her own self care and self growth. I am sad our M is ending, but support W's need to grow on her own terms.
