13 yrs and two kids pt. 2.

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So.. I think I had an epiphany, or maybe I am just making stuff up in my very drained mental mind at this point in time.

After having cleared all of our financials, and after the house is now official listed, we are basically "freed" from each other. And the "only" thing tying u together, are the kids. If not for them, we would simply be two strangers in the wind.

As I mentioned yesterday in my blog entry, she really broke down, when I informed her, that Christmas would not be a family thing. That I needed two put an end to all things we did together and do together, because this is the only way I can move on, without being dragged back in. I didn't condone her actions, yet here we where, and I weren't standing in the way for her.

She opened up after having cried for 10 minutes, and then she told me, that right now, she just didn't have it in her heart to stay and fight. Maybe in a year, two or five, she would reach out, and then, if I was available (not that I should wait), then maybe she would have realized what she had passed up on. I didn't validate or answer.

She said that, if she stayed and chose to fight to save her family, then it would be half hearted, and she would end up here again, because she wasn't fully invested (I know she isn't, because things are looking more and more serious with OM, talking about mutual child schedules and he is also coming back to her workplace to work (the affair started when the summer break began and at the company party they began, and he got a new job, so he was probably thinking it would be sweet to start the romance and not having to work with her anymore <-- guess what, that is not how things are turning out, good luck!).

I slept on all of the above information, and I just realized, and this is why i mentioned the epiphany at the beginning, that maybe, just maybe, this is what detaching is all about. Me realizing, that me and WW are no longer. That this is INFACT happening. We are going to move out, we are going to live our separate lives, and nothing will change that as of now. I will embrace this journey (Because until this point, all I have done is try to make her not go down this path - I realized that this is not about her anymore, I need to take control of my life, because my life is happening, and it shouldn't revolve around her anymore), learn from it, and maybe in the future, she will reach out, and if not, then adventures awaits me. I will be the man, only a fool would leave. She decided to leave, but maybe though my personal adventure, and the life I will pursue, she will see what she lost, and if not, another great person will see, what they can have.

It is really hard to come to this conclusion, because I know, it is what detaching means most likely. That I live my life with or without her, and I make it a damn great one. However I feel like I lost something really special by accepting and acknowledging this fact.

I would appreciate some feedback.