Looks like we should just trade places Grace. I live on the west coast of British Columbia. My house overlooks the ocean and there are forests everywhere. It truly is beautiful here. I think my pity party is starting to wind down a bit. I think being sick does not help. I was supposed to volunteer at a breakfast for the homeless this morning and attend an open house in the afternoon but I just wasn’t feeling well enough. My S10 was at a birthday party today (still is) and my D10 was in her room playing with her friend for most of the day. So...it was just me, my stuffy nose and my thoughts. Not good combo. Too much time to stress about the future and needlessly examine the past. Lots of wondering where we would be today if only I had known what was happening. And how I could have handled things differently in the beginning when he was really torn between staying and going. If only I had known about DR and DBing a year ago. I am pretty sure we would not be here today. But, we are, and I need to get used to the idea...do my best to let go and prepare myself for the conversations in January that I predict are not going to go well.
No trips planned. After January, likely will not be able to afford to go on any anyway. My H will ensure that we are all back to square one financially. He has no idea. Thinks nothing will change. He is, and always has been, delusional when it comes to money. He has never handled his own bills. He went straight from mom to wife #1 and then to me. He has never truly lived on his own. Now he is and his mom is with me. How weird is that? From what she understands, he has no plans to try to get me out of the house (and she would not support that anyway) but likely is going to want to pay me next to nothing for child care and take all of our savings in exchange. That would leave me with no cushion whatsoever and very little extra to save up. The cost of living is just too high today. Together we were set. Apart we will get by but just. But he needs to go down this road and it is, and always has been, all about him. He says his first wife told him he was unloveable. I think she had it backwards. I think he is not really capable of truly loving someone or doing what it takes over the long haul. He just has too many holes to fill...and they are his, not mine. I am sad for him in that regard.
