Be careful with “I understand how you feel.” To me, that isn’t very validating. For example, my XW has very difficult pregnancies. She was more or less nauseated for 9 months. And once the nausea started to abate, it was chest or back and foot pain from being swollen. I’d say I understood what she was feeling. I could clearly understand that she was in pain. But it wasn’t very empathetic - she’d said “no. You don’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to not be able to eat food with gagging for months at a time.” And she was right - I didn’t. Still don’t. So saying “I understand that how you feel” is different from saying “I can hear that you must be in pain.” Or something to that end.
