I guess this is piecing

[ovrrnbw]

Glad to see you back Did, you're one of the good guys around here.

Your W is still going through her own deal. She's hot and cold. The whole hey come over and rub my neck thing, well you probably knew what that meant before you went, right? So next time, just tell "sorry, I've got plans". Because I don't think you really want to go over there to play these games, right? You want it be more than this, but you wanting it does not make it so. She definitely wants to keep you on the hook, she definitely has feelings for you, but every time you come closer in response to her, she tells you how hurtful it is to communicate with you or how it is bringing her down. She keeps doing that, and you don't control her. But you do control your response to her. So respond differently.

Damn really?! My gut is telling me to stop trying.

I think I know what you mean here. In my sitch, I think there are some legitimate areas I can still improve on in my interactions with W. But when it comes to game playing, you do need to bow out. Your "trying" is really just pursuit, unless I have forgotten something - just let me know.

I’m going to say something like if you want to date me I need you to work on yourself and do what C recommended - 2 books to read, 6 weeks she read 40 pages. When she was reading and trying it was going pretty well. Work on communication and consistency be in IC. Accept you still resent me and have a lot of anger which is ok but should be talked about in a healthy way. Tell her I accept her and where she is, respect her and her journey and want her best effort. Then ask her what she needs from me.

So are you going to stop trying, or going to spill your guts to her again so she can tell you about how much it hurts to communicate with you? Have you ever really let go of her for more than a few days?

She continually hurts me but I continue to allow it.

Yep, I'm a glutton for punishment too. We love our wives, and we think that the love and their vow should be enough - but it's not. Let's learn and get better, OK?

I'm rereading DR right now, it seems I've forgotten quite a bit. Good luck Did, wish you were out my way so we could have a few holiday drinks!