Reconnected with a friend today. We were best friend's for a while, and she helped me through a very dark time about 7 years ago. She had a bad divorce about 3 years ago, and this was the first time I have seen her since. She lives about 7 hours away now. We both commented how it's like we were never away from each other. She's a very Christian woman, and has been a lot of support to me from afar. It was so nice to see her.
H and I messaged a few times yesterday, but nothing important. He initiated. He then wanted to know when the kids head back because he wanted to take them to lunch to see them before they go back. "You included, if you wish". At the time I messaged when they go back and I didn't know what the kids schedule was. That was it. Today the kids said they would be seeing him. I've decided to join them. NO EXPECTIONS! You veteran's probably would say that was not the thing to do. I'm not sure WHY I want to. Maybe it's another chance to look cute, be pleasant, etc. I don't know. But, there it is. I'm not going to overthink it.
I've been diving into house cleaning projects. Started with in-laws old papers, and have a stack for H to take with him. Pantry cleaned and reorganized. Next up is Christmas decorations, then maybe tackle a closet or 2 tomorrow.
I miss my MIL. I visited her about 3 - 4 times a week. By nature, I am a caretaker. I know that's part of it. Who will I take care of now? I will give myself until the New Year to mull it over, but I think I want to volunteer at hospice. It has been in the shadows of my mind for several years, and maybe it's time to act on it. I'll pray about it. Not sure the timing is right. I know the first person I need to care for is ME. It's about time. All those years I devoted to in-laws, kids, H. I want to feel hopeful for the future, whatever it brings. I think I'm getting there. At least I believe my steps forward are more than my steps backward. Inching forward into the future is better the being stuck in the past, isn't it?
