Now facing divorce

[DnJ]

That is good - knowing your heart’s desire.

I am probably going to be a bit of pain for you with questions.

So, you want to stay. Awesome! Why? What are your reasons? Find them and focus on them.

Most of us are problem solvers, with this crazy problem we can’t solve - so we are told. I say not quite true. It is our scope of the problem, our perspective of the problem, to be accurate our scope of what we feel responsible to correct - that is wrong and needs adjustment.

You now have a small piece, of the large mess which you cannot fix, to do something with. This you can fix. You can fix your part of this problem.

You want to stay. So stay. What will drive you out? What would make you so angry, crazy, sad, whatever - that you would have to leave? Get those inputs under control. Find a way to coexist with them.

That is focusing on you and kids, finding detachment. That is a practical application of those ideas. That is how it is done.

By the way, “what would make you so angry, crazy, sad - so you would have to leave”. Do you see that the drivers are feelings, that is why detachment is so important - and realizing that is a really good step towards achieving it.

Remember feeling are fleeting, they will change, they might feel forever, they will change, no doubt. Do not make decisions when all amped up with feelings, use reason and logic. There are many counterintuitive reason for this as well, one is to break the addiction to your spouse.

As for the bedroom furnishings. I hope I did not confuse things. Moving her stuff out will not work, she will most likely bring it all back, and get good and angry as well. She is going to do what she wants to do. If she gets to a point where she wants to leave the bedroom - she will. Your decision is for you. Remain in the bedroom or not - it is for you.

I understand just how mixed up everything is right now for you, and how much information is coming at you. One can only take in so much, and only so fast. Don’t worry it takes time, do not expect fast or push yourself to hard, as much as you can be peaceful and let the answers find you - you answers will be revealed from within yourself in time, be patient. We aren’t going anywhere, and you can re-read posts many times gleaning more from them.

This is a marathon. You will get there, piece by piece, one little step at a time.

You have the time, use it well.

DnJ