Not struggling quite as much

[Jim1234]

Ya NIcole, I'm not sure how reconciliation would work at this point either, but I'm not going to worry any more about something that will probably never happen.

As part of the settlement negotiation, she recently sent an email saying she would agree with the financial terms, but that meant she would never be able to fund 50% of the kids' college tuition. She intimated she was struggling financially, while my career arc will allow me to make "tons of money".

She's still stumbling over the cohabitation thing. Her attorney let her know it was usual to stop alimony in the event of cohabitation. She knows I want to get this agreement in place this year because of the tax benefit, and included a veiled threat to drag it out if I don't capitulate on the cohabitation clause.

She closed by saying she still wants a "decent" relationship with me and staying friends is more important than the money.

I tried to use DB techniques in my reply. I started by saying that I didn't want the divorce, I have done everything I could to leave the door to reconciliation open, and suspect that she doesn't believe the changes to be sincere or lasting. I told her I couldn't be friends anymore because it was keeping me from gaining the emotional distance I need to move on and I carry with that the false hope of reconciliation. As part of that, she needed to find someone else to lean on, and do things like make appointments for her.

I told her my lawyer informed me that because we have a support agreement in place, the settlement agreement didn't need to be in place by year's end, and I didn't appreciate the threat to drag it out if I didn't capitulate. "I am not going to agree to continue to pay alimony if you are living with someone else. End of story." I told her we could agree on everything else and ask a judge to rule on just this one issue.

I told her how sorry I was that she was having trouble making ends meet, but I validated how I was sure she would be able to cope financially. I told her that our financial picture had changed, and maybe the kids would have to share some of the burden of their educations. I showed how I wasn't making tons of money because I was the one paying for almost everything for the kids.... cell phones, cars, car maintenance, health insurance, auto insurance, extracurriculars, big family home, summer school, lawyer for son, etc. I suspect the suggestion of making the kids pay a portion of their education to cover her shortfall came as a surprise, and the reminder of what I'm paying for didn't matter one bit.

This exchange took place a few days before Thanksgiving, and I haven't heard back yet.