I know what you're saying FS I really really do. But you're looking at it as a rational human being and he's not. And you can't make him. I'm not saying push him away by being nasty etc but it looks from the outside that you're trying to second guess him and use the best strategy you can think of to win him back. You can't 'win' him back, he has to choose to come back, if you want him. I look at it as we are not turning the light off, but making sure it is also shining on us. Let it show the 'best us' by working on those things that we feel need improvement. For ourselves. Neither of our Hs are in a place at the moment where they really care what insight we have into our part in the breakdown or whether we can change. They think they know everything about us.
He knows your feelings on saving the marriage. Let him take his time to realise them and see if he wants the same, but don't chew yourself up trying to work out what he's doing or why.
