I've looked back over my thread and in 2 weeks time from joining the forum, I've tried to listen to the advice and apply changes where I could, and accepting my sitch. I've accepted that I'm dealing with a wayward wife, that I am responsible for what I've done, and she is responsible for her actions. I've learned a lot, that I was in denial and that my whole way of looking at things was wrong(thinking the other person in the MR could fix me or had a responsibility to make me whole, and that I was responsible for her, I felt like I was to blame for her actions). I've learned that the fight has just begun and it will be a long road ahead. I learned that I need to change for me and NOT HER. I learned that the mentality of the WW is a different beast, and that I have NGS(nice guy syndrome). When I thought I should be the one leaving and packing up, I learned of the implications this had and doing this out of anger has no purpose. I learned that when I thought I was making a stand, I was controlling, not setting real boundaries but ultimatums. I'm accepting that I don't have all the answers and that I can come here for advice, comfort, and just to let it out.
I was naïve, and thought that love was unconditional; I had forgotten it needed steady nurturing to grow & sustain. I'm learning, being open and honest, being humble, listening, sharing, and willing to change. I know I've been stubborn and what I thought worked isn't working. I'm learning to also be patient and get up and do, do for self and regain back the passion for life I lost somewhere along the way. I'm learning to rebuild, starting with myself ,and I thank you for the help along the way.
I truly feel like I'm at an advantage going into this by the advice and support I've received thus far. It's helped me to sleep better & feel better, to let go of some of the guilt and sorrow, to focus more on getting action plans together for me and my kids. It's helped me to become centered, stable, and not emotional. I know what to do now opposed to a month ago. I'm still learning, I know there is a lot more to learn. I still have a long way to go, whatever the end looks like I will take it one day at a time. One day, I will learn to paraphrase all this.
short term goals/to do list:
1 Finish reading DR(goal is to get a better understanding of the book in its entirety and learn what techniques I can use)
2 Reread the threads on WW and go through the replies, I wasn't able to do that the first run.( goal is to get better understanding of WW and when/how to respond)
3 Get the list of local attorneys completed and see who can schedule Saturday appointments first, then work around my work schedule.(looking to start realistically in Jan after holidays, I talked to work on available days I could schedule appointments, I have dates ready to schedule with attorneys) goal is to know my legal rights and protect myself.
4 Maybe pick up the boundary book mentioned in the Boundaries sticky. (goal is to learn more about setting appropriate boundaries for myself)
5 Research some motivational videos, consider setting up IC. (goal: find out what will help me regain passion for life)
6 Work out at least 4 days a week, Goal : want to lose 8-10 pounds each month for next 6 months.(want to take 2-3 days out of week to get home and help bathe the little one so I will have to work out at home)
7 Get to the Resources thread and Go through each one. I haven't come across the Cashier story yet... (goal, knowledge gathering)
8 Research Alpha Male info. (goal: bigger b@ll$) (Just going to say after I deleted a long post, that there was a time when I didn't need this, my W would say she was addicted to my smell, my pheromones. I don't want to sound pompous, vain, or like a braggart so I'm not going into details of my past except it's kinda hard to swallow when I thought my changes were for the better and MR was safe.
9 GAL going to see Venom by myself.. maybe this weekend on Sunday. (Goal, enjoy time away, maybe it will help to detach?)
10 Shop for better fitted clothes. I'm still wearing some clothes that's a size too big. (Goal: feel better, feel more confident, look better, get that swag back.)
11 Buy some pickets and 2x4 to fill in some gaps in the back fence. Was thinking about doing this tomorrow. Will need W car. (goal: GAL, spending time away from W)
12 Research how to get back Respect in MR.(goal: understanding this key element and first building block to successful relationship with WW)
13 Read No More Mr Nice Guy (goal: learn how to gain respect back) (bought it, will read it tonight)
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
